For Nicki

Submitted by Allieh (United Kingdom), Sep 10, 2009 at 09:49

Hi Nicki
First of all my heart goes out to you it really does, I was nearly in the same position but found out the truth long before marriage to my Turkish ex could be on the cards. My baby is due in Feb.

I really don't trust any Turkish man at all ever now. I have heard far too many stories about how unfaithful, dishonest and violent they are and my own experience cemented things for me. I gave my ex more than the benefit of the doubt and by nature I was a very trusting and open minded person, but my experience with him has changed me forever. So with that in mind I know my advice to you is somewhat biased.

I wish I could tell you that your man probably played the field but settled down when he met you, but I think that sadly you are going to uncover more than you know at the moment. I really don't wish that for you but I wouldn't be doing you a service if I didn't tell you honestly.
I haven't met, or spoken online, to many UK women who are happily married to Turkish men for more than 3 or 4 years. After they get leave to remain in UK the problems start: arguing, cheating, violence (to make you initiate a divorce) or they blatantly up and leave telling their wives they've outrun their usefulness. I also wouldn't trust his family either, I doubt very much that they are happy about your marriage and would choose a Turkish woman over you every time, but will tolerate the situation so that their son can better himself (which in turn will help them as he will be in a better position to help them in their dotage).

Nicki I really really hope that I am wrong and that you can sort this out with your husband, wipe the slate clean and have a marriage based on love and honesty for you and your child's sake, but I'm not hopeful. His desire to stay in the UK may be the strongest one at play here. Trust your instincts and remember you are a special person who deserves love and respect. Please keep coming back here and let us know how you are. Allie xxx

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