Marriage to Turkish man and cheating husbands and what do to about it--on-line cheating, facebook, chat, Western woman, Muslim man, UK, Egypt

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Sep 11, 2009 at 13:22

Hi there Nicki!!

First of all, I am truly sorry that you are going through this. It would be trite to say that this is common, but just realize you are not alone.

I also want to address the question "Am I just paranoid"??? It seems like almost every woman who posts their on here has asked that question at some point. What I have observed happening, Nicki, is that the women simply do not have enough information about their man and they are moving too fast for their minds to process what little they know. So, basically, it's a conflict between your desire and natural, femnine instinct that detects male nonsense.

The real killer though is the lack of information from distance from communication. That's the root of the conflict, really. Talking to someone on-line only gives you a mere fraction of the information about someone you would be getting if you were on a real date, and that's largely assuming they tell the truth. See, Nicki, you can't look into his eyes, feel his touch, or mirror his movements unless you see him in person.

I had the exact same thing happen to me with a woman I dated on and off for over 1.5 years. I had made the mistake of doing favors for her and buying her things only to find out that she had cheated on me since day one. After this happened, I really thought I was the only one this happened too, but since I have been on here, I have come to realize that my situation is really small potatoes compared to some of the stories on here.

Listen, Nicki, I wish I could tell you that there was an easy way out of this, but there is not. I really want you to sit down and think about this----you are carrying his child, and he is off cheating on you. From a man's perspective this tells me at best he does not care about you or the marriage, at worst he could care less about you and the baby.

This raises the distinct possbility that he will leave you. You said its been a year now. If you've got him cheating on-line with one girl, Nicki, there's a good chance there are other lovers as well. People who screw around on-line rarely commit to one person in that media.

A year may seem like a long time to you because you were genuinely invested in this, Nicki, but sometimes it takes longer, nearly three times as long, for the real him to come out.

It reminds me of a situation that happen here in America--a nice man from out West married a Russian girl on-line. He brought her over here, but before doing so, he established contacts in the Russian community so she could relate to someone besides him. Well, once she stayed long enough to get fluent in English and get a drivers license, a key form of ID of legal residency in the US, she left.

Or take the case of reader Sash from Ireland. She defended her marriage and man on here resolutely for weeks, only to find that he had been cheating on her, perhaps even as she was on here defending him.

There really are only two options here---

--If you stay with him, there is a good chance he will eventually leave, or just keep cheating on you. By staying with him, you give him no incentive to improve, but if he is after a visa, and it does sound like he is, Nicki, it won't matter to him anyways. Keep in mind that he probably only admitted his guilt just because your persistence was annoying him, not because he broke down and realize he made a very serious mistake.

--If you leave him, it will not be easy, especially since you are pregnant. And it will lead to heartache, but eventually, I know you have the strength to move on without him. It would be better for you and for the child if you left because of the emotional toll it will take on you. Obviously, Nicki, this man really does not care for you, and he may the feel the same way about the baby, in which case the child would have a sad mother and an unattentive, uncaring father. You would have every right to feel the way you do, but I think it would really sour your life if you stayed, and that's not good for anyone you care about, especially yourself.

Nicki, I want you to know that you have my support here. This man is nothing but trouble and I am not convinced he really loves you.

-Luigi

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