Just Because

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Oct 7, 2009 at 12:11

Please women. I know it's hard because you have put yourself in this intense relationship and invested so much time and heart in it. We as women wish to think a man couldn't hurt us. Especially one that professes to love us with all his heart. I knew a man that was like all the rest we read about. At first I swear he looked at me as though I was his angel and I adored that look. I only had the desire to strive to make him happy but somehow time showed that he didn't care about my own happiness.

He even tried to contract me lately and get that sexual relationship going, asking me to come see him. He is not in Egypt. He is in another state. I guess I had hoped he'd contacted me because he realized how much he loved me. For a bit I allowed that side of him back into my life because I swear I miss him. He married a woman here and well he always professed it was contract, that he never touched her. This woman has been awful towards me. Even when she knew we were a couple and it was clear she was only a friend, she called me awful names and said awful things. He never stood up for me or defended me saying she was just a friend and well, she had feelings but he didn't and that was what mattered. He kept trying to get me to understand why she did it but he never just told her, you are crossing the line and you can't do this with the one I love...I will not stand for it. Right there I should have walked away because he proved right then he didn't care about my heart.

Anyway, she offered to marry him as friends for the greencard since I couldn't get my divorced finalized which is a good thing. He really married her and that was almost two years ago. What people will really do for monetary things. Now she is livid because he won't be more than the friend he always was to her and she hates me because she thinks i somehow made it that way, Well the truth is, I see through it. Yesterday he calls me and when I tell him she is befriending all my friends on a poetry site that I have...and telling them she hates that b*tch...he says he doesn't have time for such drama from her or me in his life. Do you know I instantly recalled that selfishness that he is. You will find these men will have all the time in the world to talk and be sexual, to take your money, to pour their problems on you, to take what they can get and yet they will never have time to be there for you.

Women if they go away for weeks or even months, believe me they can't love you as you want them to. They may think of you but love, that is not love. This man missed the sexual relationship we had. He said over and over again he couldn't ever think of another woman when it came to that. I swear I wanted to believe it meant he loved me. I know we had a good time and I will not doubt that there was a strong connection but it doesn't make seeing each other worth it to me when the man refuses to sacrifice for me. I think he confused the whole sexual need with love. Like he thought he felt love for me because he had this strong desire to be with me that way but love wants to care for you, when you cry it wants to make you feel better. These men, most don't love in this way. Even the best of them for some reason, they will say when you cry or feel needy, I don't need this kind of drama. Remember these words because they use them alot or atleast words just like them. It basically means, I want what I want and what you want doesn't matter.

Now for the good part. I did feel used, abused, all the stuff that is listed but I am married and with time I know I will figure it out. He isn't who I thought he was and it's not worth it to me anymore to jepardize my world for him. So one good thing is, my mind finally has grown enough to let me live. Another thing is, I let him abuse me and use me, didn't I? I shouldn't have been so trusting. I see these tough women putting the vulnerable women down on here. You know the vulnerable women think the tough women are like army gals lol. We are just human and well when we trust someone that supposedly loves us it is a huge mind blower to find not only someone that we loved, that says they they loved us could really hurt us so much but, again, we trusted them. We took that time to trust them and how, how could they do such a thing to us? Yeah you know what I mean. It's just hard, and we run it through our minds over and over again trying to figure out where we went wrong, why they chose us, why they could really such a thing and why didn't we see? When the thing is, there are just bad people in this world and we can't control that. All we can do is learn and protect ourselves and move on with life. Maybe alot of these men just never were taught to love completely. Who knows? When God is the epidomy of love one would think they would try to learn. I think you can't judge a whole country of men by what alot of men do. I think it is wrong to classify a whole religion as bad or lump whole nations together in judgment and yet, I personally would never risk my soul or heart on one of these men knowing what I know now. It's just not worth the pain to come to an end like this...for me. By the way I used to tell him in the beginning, how would we ever know if we didn't take the chance? Just like some of these women that are now just going into these new relationships.

Afterwards you just hate yourself, you think you are stupid, weak and you don't get it because he really was so terrible so why does it still hurt even when you know he could do that to you? It just takes time and here we have all nationalities. Sometimes it is written that perhaps someone likes this ethnic look. Well really we can find the same looks here. When I met the man I knew I just thought he would be somewhat more focused on the pureness or goodness of life. That if he was a Godly man then he couldn't hurt people or be selfish. I had preconceived ideas and well at first he really lived up to what I wanted but they say these men are a work of out at deception. I believed he was more spiritual, that in general, wiser than the men here. Well he wasn't. He ended up being so much more harsh when it came to the treatment of women and his view towards them. Atleast here men don't treat you as if you are lower and expect you to always cater to them but never give anything in return. These men, if they have the money, might give you a monetary presents but see if they give you breakfast in bed, massage your whole body for you more than once, do something that they really don't want to do just to sacrifice...because you want it so much and because they love you. Remember what real love is...real love is giving of oneself. Never ever forget that and if a man shows any of these characteristics....run away....find the man that wants your heart to smile too.,

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".