Reply to Stephanie & another Egyptian man story

Submitted by Curious (United States), Oct 9, 2009 at 20:36

Stephanie, I'm really sorry this terrible thing happened to you. I met an Egyptian man online over this last year. He was working in Dubai, lost his job, and then had to go back to Egypt because he was unable to find another position in the UAE.

This guy had already married one American woman he'd met online after having known her for one week, she flew over to the UAE and they got married ... this happened about two years prior to his job loss in the UAE. I asked him what the problem was, why they had gotten divorced and why he would consider marriage with a woman he'd known for only one week. One week just cannot be enough time to know someone and the odds of the marriage working are slim to none.

He told me that she was extremely jealous and she had discovered that he was speaking with other women on facebook. He said that he had wandered away from the computer and forgot his profile was open, she found it and fell in the floor crying. This man just could not understand why she was so upset about "the women"!! Well, i'm pretty surprised that he couldn't understand why other women wouldn't be an issue to a wife.

So, they were together for two years then she went back to America. I suspect that from the time she left until the time he was back in Egypt, he was trying to persuade her to help him with his U.S. Visa, but apparently she did not. His application for a U.S. visa was denied.

He then started in on me with the sweet talk and "I love you" stuff. He began the divorce process and asked me to fly over and marry him. He told me that no matter what, I should not let him have sex with me until we officially married. During this time, he began the process of applying for a visitor's visa to the UK and was accepted.

As this drama unfolded, it ocurred to me that the man was extremely "desperate" to get out of Egypt. As soon as he got the word that his UK visa had been approved, he began trying to get sexual with me, online of course. I told him, "look, you told me not to let you have sex with me until marriage, so we're not having sex, in real or online." He accused me of being extremely cold and that online sex is only fantasy and advised me to start reading "romance novels".

The next morning, he messaged me calling me by another woman's name followed by a full tooth grin saying, "oh, I'm sorry, that was intended for another one of my friends" I told him, "I'm not like your ex wife. If you try to make me jealous, I wont fall in the floor crying, but I will walk away and I won't be speaking again."

So, that night .. the night after I refused his sexual advances, I told him, "there's something you need to understand ... I may consider spending the money to fly over from the U.S. to Egypt for marriage, but that is the only expense that I will bare." Further, " You will pay for all fees related to the marriage, you will pay for all fees related to the immigration process for foreign spouse to the U.S. ... and I will not pay for anything but the flight over, so you be sure that you will have the funds to finance this journey."

To make a long story short, that was the last night we spoke. I think he had already some fool in the UK lined up and ready to go, and this I thoroughly expected. What I didn't expect was him trying to goad me, but I expect his intention was to make me jealous enough to drop everything, fly over and marry him, and provide him with a visa, and ultimately a green card.

What's the moral of this story? Although I realise that I could have feelings for this man, he was likable, not too bad looking, had a pretty good personality, I had to detach myself just enough to stay focused on his true intentions. In this way, I was able to keep my self respect and money.

Think about it, if you owned a store, you would not let customers walk in, sweet talk you out of your mechandise and walk out the door without first paying. So, why ever would you allow a man to walk into your life, take your self respect and possibly your money without first having proof of his intentions? You have to give a man enough time to prove his intentions are valid. If his intentions are marriage, then wait for the marriage before you start providing him with sex. If he loves you he will want a marriage and he will not expect sex or money from you. He will either marry you or he won't.

I'm sorry this has happened to you. Have you considered reporting this man for marriage fraud? Sounds like he definitely married this woman for entry to the United States, and for no other reason. It also sounds like his wife is well aware of it. I believe they call that marriage fraud and it's punishable by fine, imprisonment, and deportation. Good luck.

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