to Julie UK

Submitted by Zella (United States), Oct 17, 2009 at 13:54

Try confronting this man and see how he responds. Explain that you do not want to be involved in a relationship where both of you cannot be 100 percent open, honest, and willing to discuss issues in a mature, calm manner. People whose lives are out of control often use secrecy as a means of controlling others.

I certainly don't want to sound negative and burst your bubble but you need to fully understand the dynamics of your friend's religion/culture. Viewing a woman as an equal must be a characteristic that is learned in the formative years. If a woman wants to learn how a man will treat her forever, try to find out how he treats his mother, auntie, sister, or other females in his life. Listen to what he doesn't say instead of always focusing on what he does say. Watch his eyes and body language. The window to the soul is the eyes.

This man is giving you many material things. Explain that while you appreciate the trips, clothes, other gifts, respect is far more important to you. Sometimes people who can't fully give of themselves try to compensation by giving material gifts. Hopefully such is not the case with your friend.

The age of your friend may well be a major issue. If he is over 28-30 years of age and isn't married, you can bet his family (mother, aunts) are aggressively looking for a young, virginal Muslimiyah for him to marry. An unmarried son brings hshuma to the family. Remember that the adage "blood is thicker than water" holds true.

Good luck to you and I wish you well.

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