to Julie of Uk

Submitted by Zella's comments (United States), Oct 20, 2009 at 00:50

Julie I gave you the advice to love with eyes wide open which is advice my husband told me that people need to do....anyway, Zella gave some good pointers but I have to disagree with her on her statement :

The age of your friend may well be a major issue. If he is over 28-30 years of age and isn't married, you can bet his family (mother, aunts) are aggressively looking for a young, virginal Muslimiyah for him to marry. An unmarried son brings hshuma to the family. Remember that the adage "blood is thicker than water" holds true.

The Moroccan younger generation meaning my husbands age 30's and younger and maybe a few years older too, are breaking away from the parents finding them their soul mates or arranged marriage or marrying the cousins. I can tell you to do not get discouraged and follow all advice here because if you read and believe all you read here, you will never have a relationship with someone that could possibly make you happy for life. I know Zella is not completely accurate when she makes this broad statement because after I met my Moroccan husband on-line his mother and family did not know about his relationship with me at first. Infact his mom and sisters did not know about me coming to meet him until my trip got closer to leaving and possibly beginning our paperwork to marry on my second trip. His mom did come to him twice about marrying a distant cousin who was a divorcee before she ever met me at the request of the cousin's mother. After he told her his feelings for me and he would marry me, he also told her he was free to make his own decisions and she respected his wishes.. Some Moroccans may still be under some influence but several are not and do make their own decisions for their life. Then there are some men who are happy with the family finding them a bride. I know of one couple here whose parents did do this and he flew back to Iran and met her, approved of her, and brought her back here a few years later....anyway, it depends on your fiance and how much he lets his family influence him. I have a head strong husband who does what he wants and he knows himself and what his wishes are and doesn't let the parents control him. In Reality I don't think his parents try to control him from what I can tell. I do know the dad asked him to wait to have sex til marriage but at the same time, the dad and mom and sisters knew we would be staying in an apartment alone for two weeks. They never asked him questions and his family respected me on both trips. i love his mom to death. She and I got along great and she was so humble and down to earth. I have a few favorite sisters too. The dad was nice to me too but I know he rides my husband the hardest and causes my husband grief on other issues. They are not close. He has moved out from the family home due to the dad always causing noise in the family home with others. I have been told its hard for the fathers to be close to sons as they are the daughters and I felt his dad had more to do with his son-in-law than he did his own son at his own son's marriage party. That was my observation.
Julie, get to know your husband and with my husband if I chose to ask him anything, he always answers and doesn't beat around the bush. If something bothers you, just ask and don't rely on some of the posts here. They generalize and all are lumped in the same category and my husband is 33...9 years younger and never has been married and doesn't have kids and has promised he doesn't want kids of his own since I can't have more. and his only wish is that my kids can in time come to show him some fatherly love that we can have together.....Not all men want children if its impossible and he could easily found a woman here who could give him kids.....trust in your love and don't kill it too soon with doubt...only if he plants doubt then, question it.....I wish you well.....usa

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