To Mary---This does not make sense and it's not real

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Oct 29, 2009 at 19:58

Hi Mary

I want you to listen to yourself very carefully here:

I do not feel pressure about him for visa or him wanting to come to canada that's the thing. I know it's been such a short period of time we know each other and I think he is sincere but I cannot be 100% sur like some have mentionned on here earlier. Yes, he has all the qualities I was looking for in a man. He seem to be so perfect for me, he is what I want but in another hand I do not want to put myself in danger.

This is a classic battle you are having between your heart, and your mind. You want him to be the perfect man, but you are unable to convince yourself of it thoroughly.

Your heart is saying that you like this man, but you instincts and that amazing feminine intuition tell you that you cannot.

Here's the fundamental problem, Mary:

You are never ever going to know for certain if he is telling the truth over the internet. If he is a terrorist or some other undesirable, of course he's not going to admit that. A lot of women who have posted on here over the years seem to think that if you ask the man you are talking to a direct question point blank that it will answer all of your questions.

Listen, Mary, the reason why women follow this blog, whether they admit it or not, is because deep down inside, they are not sure about the person they are talking, dating, sleeping with or whatever. And when it comes to the internet, it's impossible to get to know someone. The communication just is not there.

I feel like I need not to let go this one. In the past I had a relationship with another Afghan man from canada wich has lasted for almost a year ( secret relationship ) and then had turned out to be a completly disaster just because at the end even if we loved each other we couldnt be together because of religion factor his familly and all that so, we took space. This one said to me that his familly accepted me ( they saw my picture suposely ) but I have to convert first. I did studied Islam very deep, I know about the religion but not all of it and I have to admit that I dont really want to change religion but in another way I think I would, it's very complicated in my mind right now regarding that .

One of the reasons why its complicated for you is because you are being rushed into this. Classic move by a scammer and liar. What he's after is a quick marriage.

Why? A visa in the future? Perhaps. But the thing is, Mary, it really does not matter, because I promise you, he's up to no good and he does not seem to care about you at all.

Quite frankly, he's treating you like a child. He's saying "Come on, now hurry up!"

And if you had problems with a similar man in person, why are you going to go to all this trouble for another one? It does not make any sense, Mary! He basically wants the same thing as your other man did. Your heart really does not seem to be that into Islam, and quite frankly, I'm glad you are at least telling us about your difficulty because I'm skeptical of people who change religions just for their partner.

To top all that off, Isis makes a great point---Can you even go to Afghanistan? The entire place is a war zone and it's not safe. The only Canadians I know of going over there are the soldiers.

I'm sure you are aware that Afghanistan is also a very conservative country, even after post-Taliban rule. Islamic rules do apply, and your experience may not be comparable at all to the Moroccans and Egyptians on here, because those countries and cultures are much more liberal in comparison. So, if you have not already, please read about what Dr. Pipes has written above the comments section. The accounts sound bizarre, but they have occurred when dealing with Islamic men from conservative Islamic countries. 3

Living in Afghanistan would seem like living under a disorganized Saudi Arabia. It's very possible that once you make the move, you might be a second or third wife and stuck doing all the household chores and on-call for the occasional sex. It would not be the first time.

I know what you're thinking, Mary. "How can this be my man? He seems nice and sweet on the internet".

Trust me, Mary, that's how it always starts with these on-line encounters. No one is going to talk to a jerk or meanie. Do you really think that there would be so many intelligent women on this board if the men came out right away as they really are?

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