to Luigi on his remarks

Submitted by Lisa (United States), Oct 31, 2009 at 11:56

In response to my info I left for Cold Feet in USA and Luigi's comments back to the poster (myself-Lisa USA) in reference to my info I left Cold Feet concerning marriage and knowledge of marriage in other countries and knowing the person you are engaged to in on-line mixed marriages....Lisa

Luigi states :First of all, if your marriage is so wonderful, what prompted you to search for this stuff on-line?

Second of all, I don't appreciate people coming on here and generalizing about posters. My statements are backed in full by experience, facts, investigations and relationship insight. To answer your statement Luigi, First of all I found this board BEFORE I married my husband and my husband is a good man. I have never said he is "wonderful". He is a human-being. We all have faults,even if its leaving water on floor in the bathroom,lol....He is an honest man, doesn't lavish sweet words i just want to hear. Our conversations consists of our daily activities and how are the kids and we talk about his new job. We don't talk about visa's and America. He knows when I hear something, I will tell him our news. We have a normal marriage about as normal as it can be living in two different worlds. We miss one another and we do the best we can to keep our love alive considering the situation. It takes a lot of patience on both ends for these relationships to work and you have to be able to feel you trust your husbands and Fiances. They have to be able to do the same of you. How does he know you are not cheating on him? If there is no trust, these long-distance relationships will never work. Only you know your conversations, how he acts with you, what he talks about with you, what kind of family he has, their demeanor toward others, how he treats them, how he is valued around family and friends. Only she will know this or be able to learn these facts. She will not learn that from you constantly criticizing "ALL" of these Arabic men. If "Coldfeet in USA" is on here asking advice and having to take a friend with her because she does not trust her fiance of two years, she needs to ask herself why she is having cold-feet. What are her reasons? His actions, has he sent her mixed signals within the two years? Has he disappeared on her within the two years or has he been there for her daily in two years? Has he been patient with her within these two years and understanding? His character and rages if any.... How many more years and time is she going to waste before she allows herself to meet another man to share her life? If this is something she is head-strong about, she will not allow herself to move forward til she meets him and decides (without pressure) if this is something she really wants. Maybe she wants to take a friend because others suggested it here and i don't think she has said its cause she does not trust him or I would not be giving her this advice. She is scared of traveling cause she never has traveled. If she wants to take a friend for companionship to share this trip with her, she should be able to without being criticized for it, don't you think Luigi? If its cause she has seen these patterns and red flags mentioned here, then she needs to end it. Its her choice and she has to be the one to live with her decisions not you and not myself or others here.

Luigi's statement to knowing your partner: That is absolutely incorrect. There are very clear behavior patterns and red flags that signify whether or not the relationship is real. She has not posted any info other than having cold feet about traveling alone and his not having knowledge about marrying. My advice to her was maybe he is being honest about the embassy. My husband did not know how to go about getting married as well. He had to go and talk to a lawyer friend to ask to make sure and only after I did research on-line and told hgim what needs to be done. If he has never married, he will not know how to go about getting married. My husband was hoping his father was going to help in this matter, but we went at it our own and we wasted a whole week of our trip trying to find out how to marry from day to day and being sen t here and there and back again. I told him I would have to go to the Embassy but after that, he would have to find out where to go afterwards which he did through sisters after they knew about me. Luigi she didn't give us any knowledge in her relationship, and you quickly said he has red flags. I think before you can say this about him, she would have to post more private details and even with this you are too quick to judge these men because you don't want to see that any are good. Oh but you will say there are good ones and how you haven't said this but if a lady comes here and posts advice or give knowledge through her experiences you automatically say she too is looking for answers and how her man is bad too. You have even gone as far and have posted here i don't love my husband. You don't know how I feel about my husband and what we have shared together. Ask my kids If I love my husband! What I have endeared from being in a mixed relationship. The negativity from a brother not cause my husband is an Arabic or Muslim or Foreigner but because he may have black somewhere in his genes (who cares...we may have black within our ancestors too) but he has made it known to me, he is not his brother in-law cause of the black factor and if he is from Africa continent then he has to be black,lol. His ignorance not mine.

Luigi states My statements are backed in full by experience, facts, investigations and relationship insight.

Well Luigi having a myspace girl friend you were in love with and you were foolish enough to send her money and give her your credit card info in your 20's and you were so naive to do this and want to help her and she turns out to be sleeping with others and she couldn't be trusted does not exactly make you an expert on advice and insight into others relationships because yours failed. Not all men scam and not all women are money grubbers. Not all women are as naive as you allowed yourself to be. Boys in their 20's can make foolish decisions like women who allow themselves to be mistreated. You also have admitted here you still go on-line and meet women BUT LOCAL women after telling people here not to...and you have gone and met women you trusted on-line and met out in public. You are doing the same thing but choose to do so locally. Its the same as meeting strangers in your town or traveling abroad. If women meet someone that they have interest in, who lives afar they have two choices, meet him or not. Its their choice if they want to spend their money to choose to travel and do so. Not for you to constantly criticize these women when you are doing the same thing at times which you have admitted too here on this blog. Your insight is "your opinion" not based on facts. Its YOUR FACTS and you have not investigated any of these men, so what are you talking about? You don't have an open-mind to any of these mixed relationships and you are quick to judge people and make false accusations judged on "your opinion" and it doesn't matter if the man is different or has a good heart and good intentions because you and scorned women here will say there is not any of these men different and you say the women are stupid if they believe otherwise. I am not a stupid woman and I am not also a naive woman that can be intimidated by my man or any man or by your postings. That is why I will stand up to you on this board. I can be just as head-strong and stubborn as you. That is why you don't like me and you criticize my husband without knowing facts or knowing him. You hate that I post positive things here cause it goes against what you are trying to preach to these women about Arabic men. These women need to hear "Both sides' not just yours. I think a woman in her 40's who have actually been in a mixed relationship, presently married to an Arabic man, had an on-line relationship for almost two years, and who have traveled to foreign countries more than once and who have been married for years prior, separated on and off in this marriage relationship with this married partner, I have seen cheating ways and experienced it with my ex and who have a son in the 20's like your age have way more knowledge than you can ever have by basing things on your "Opinions based on other's scams and your Myspace woman" You want to post you have so much more knowledge than anyone here posting when in fact you don't.

Secondly, if she were so sure about him and his character, she would not need her friend to go along with her and she would not need third party advice from us. I have touched on this statement from you above. I will add, sometimes reading this board will allow yourself to kill a relationship before it even begins because how you Luigi automatically want to see red flags in all these relationships and so does others here who have had failed relationships with these men and do not trust mixed relationships or had sorry men to begin with. We don't know these facts from Cold-feet. but yet you 'generalize-your favorite word' . How about quit trying to read between lines and planting stuff there that may not be there and let people decide for themselves cause they will see patterns in their fiance or husbands to know. The red Flags are posted here. ladies if you are any older than your Fiance or husband, Luigi has your relationship deemed red flags just cause he likes younger women and feel older women and younger men relationships fail. Its simply not true for all relationships. My mom was married to an American man who was 10-12 years younger as I have stated in other posts. He died loving my mom cause she was a good woman and they met when she already had 4 kids and could not have more and he did not have his own kids....and its not an isolated case. I know of several relationships which have worked with younger men. Luigi just cause these men are younger doesn't mean they will not out-live the woman! My step father died before my mom and they met in 30's and she is now 63. So please don't tell me how it just does not happen in society.

Luigi states Also---marriage is the finish line in these relationships. I invite you to consider this in your own relationship. marriage is the BEGINNING not an ending Luigi and some people take marriage seriously and its not a game to some. For you to say this about everyone is unfair and unjust and childish for you to say. Not all are Visa seekers! Relationships fail for many reasons. Sometimes unknown to us. Sometimes we just simply don't work hard enough at the marriage to make it successful. Sometimes both people are at fault. Sometimes we just give up and take each other for granted and sometimes we think 'its greener on the other side" which was my husbands way of thinking too, but now he regrets his decisions and no longer with this woman and is single again but its a little too late! I did find love with my new husband and I Love my husband. Im really sic and tired of seeing you post I don't love my husband. What grounds do you base this on and what makes you think I don't love him? Im not a teenager and I am way past infactuations. I would not have my childrens lives turn upside down for someone I don't love. Not only will I have to get used to living with a man in the household again and not always doing what I think is best...my kids at ages 12 14 and 23 will have to adjust their lives too learning a foreigners accent and religion, ways,etc. as he will have to learn my kids too. and from experience Luigi, my daughters are more accepting to the idea of the new step father than my son at age almost 24 and it has nothing to do with our age difference with him. He is more concerned about him being a foreigner and different and afraid he can't understand him and his accented English and the Unknown. He has mixed feelings and he feels my husband loves me and my son is more worried about me marrying someone who may get a portion of life insurance, so its selfish reasons on his part.

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