a friend in need

Submitted by bewildered (United Kingdom), Nov 29, 2009 at 07:11

Hi

this is a difficult situation with your friend as although she has tried to move on with her own life its clear she still has deep feelings for him. I don't know how long they were in a relationship or how long she spent time with him but these men for some reason do get into your heart soul and mind. She has clearly tried to hide her emotions where you thought she was moving on, I can understand how she feels as I too have tried to move on and forget but although I know I will never entertain the lies he told me I still think of him daily and a part of me is still in the him, your friend will one day come to terms with the fact that he has a new woman in his life, she is hurting now because she has just found out and she will need time. She probably thought that he might continue to persue her confirming that he still loved her? The realization that he is engaged to an arab woman will bring out all her supressed emotions as she clearly still cares deeply for him. Her thoughts will be of their time they spent together and also of him with his new woman, it will take her a long time to let go but all I can suggest is that you talk to her when she needs to, offering support. I have had people tell me to go out on dates and do this or that but while she has these emotions she will not want to do anything and she needs to grieve for her loss as it is like a bereavement. Time heals and it varies with different people, some can move on quickly and divert their attentions to forget, but others deal with it differently, whichever way just talk when she needs to, even if she is going over things repeatedly, this is her way. Advise her to see a doctor if necessary or get some counselling. I would advise her though to break any ways he may have of contacting her and not to find out anything more about his new relationship as this will only add to her pain. Its best she has nothing to do with where he is or what he is doing, she knows if she does she will be rubbing salt into her wounds. Time and support is all she needs be it months or longer. I don't proffess to be an expert on this but this is how I would deal with it all and its working slowly for me, very slow but i'm getting there. My posts are positive but have my moments. She has to realize life with him would not have been good. I hope this has helped.

take care xx

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