Well...

Submitted by Darna (United Kingdom), Dec 3, 2009 at 18:23

You know what? For every scare story out there, there are probably 100 positive ones. Nay, 1000. Trouble is (for you, trying to find some positivity) when folks are blissfully happy, they don't tend to come forth to tell us about it, they're too busy being blissfully happy. And when they do want to share their experiences, there isn't a great market for it. The media is full of doom and gloom because, unfortunately, it's doom and gloom and sensationalism that sells. You are right to have doubts. You would be pretty foolhardy not to and go running into it with our head in the clouds. When the two of you chat together everything will seem just dandy, cosseted in your little bubble of happiness. But in real life, you know that the external factors will bring differences between you to the fore - and it is important to understand that these could relate to some very important issues. You do right to think about it now. But I believe, that whilst there are a plethora of differences between a muslim and christian upbringing, there are also some pretty fundamental similarities. You are both 'people of the book' and believe in one god, whether it's God in the Christian sense, or Allah. The morals and principals of both religions are intertwined. Some of the original concepts are completely outdated. Some hold just as true today. The two religions have been fighting for so long and focussing on their differences, they seem to trample across their common ground without even recognising it. Now you've thought about it, you need to talk about it, and there's only one person you should be talking to. Talk about everything. Where will you live? If you're considering moving abroad, you need to research the country. RESEARCH, RESEARCH, RESEARCH. What will your rights be there? What will happen if it all goes belly up? Everyone bangs on about ALL muslims ALWAYS being after a visa. It's a distorted perception. Whilst the western world believes they live in the land of plenty the rest of the world can only aspire to, actually, much of the time, the rest of the world doesn't quite see it that way. If he did come to you it could be that he's making a huge sacrifice to be with you. I would say the adjustment would be easier for him than you moving to, say, Saudi. I think the relationship would stand a better chance of success. But there again, many foreign men (and women, of all religions) DO seek out foreign women (and men) for a visa, to escape hardships in their own country. And the classic method of doing this is via the net. You have to have your radar well tuned and eyes wide open for the tiniest red flag. Trust your gut, not your heart. And talk. A lot. The deal breaker could be the issue of the children - where and in what religion they're raised - whether you can both agree and accept that. When an intercultural relationship goes wrong, it can go wrong spectacularly. It doesn't mean it always goes wrong. And it doesn't mean only intercultural relationships go wrong either. I think you both have a lot of soul searching to do. Good luck.

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