Response to woman inlove

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Dec 8, 2009 at 10:38

If you really care about this man, have him sign a pre-nuptial agreement. If he truly loves you, then there should be no reservations. It is to protect your children and make sure he is well aware of that. You have that right and you shouldn't feel guilty.

Our cultures are different and men in Arabic countries are raised totally different than men in the States or UK when it concerns their standing with women. Yes, we have the men that have affairs here, and women too...it goes without saying, but logically both parties here are raised that a marriage should be lasting. In Islamic countries divorce is not looked bad upon, for a man that is. Now for a woman in these countries, she is used and will have problems remarrying. She has been labeled...as divorced. Of course the men don't have this problem or sigma. Men in Islam can marry up to four women religiously and they do it in the States as well. They do it in Mosques all the time, just not legally. In their eyes these women are their real wives though and yes, as some women might say, these men must have the permission of their first wife to remarry another. Also, if a woman isn't married to a man in a Mosque, let's say they marry by a Justice of peace or in Vegas, he might even not consider that to be a real marriage even though their are legal papers. After all, it wasn't blessed by Allah. Then on top of it, any women married overseas might not be his first wife. A lot of these men marry in their own countries before ever coming to the States. The truth is, most men I've talked with said if his wife didn't say yes when he wanted to marry another, he'd divorce her any way and if she is living in Morocco, Egypt etc...then she will find it hard to remarry again so most women agree to the situation feeling they have little choice in the matter. Here in the states we don't have to agree but, like I said, if you marriage isn't done in a Mosque, he might not consider your marriage real and you might not be the "first wife" anyway...so he may go out and still marry another in the Mosque without even knowing. After all, in his mind you wouldn't be a real wife so he wouldn't have to get your permission. I have seen all kinds of things these men do. You just don't know what to expect or if your man is even capable of all that you read about. All I know is, this stuff really happens.

I was close with a man and he was fom Egypt. He was very spoiled and used to having his mother do absolutely everything for him. I had no idea this was his way when we first met. He was completely lovely and very good at seducing. When things didn't go his way he'd blame me for everything. While I think he felt he loved me he always knew he had that right to marry up to four women and he even mentioned it while we ...were engaged if I displeased him. I felt like it was a threat. We spent several years together talking, etc...maybe 2 to 3 before I saw this other side of him. Yes it did take that long before the real person showed himself. This side where he could possibly maybe someday want another woman, where he could be mean to me, where I started feeling unsure. It saddened me but he truly wanted everything to evolve around him and didn't wish to be concerned with my own personal drama. I started realizing he didn't love me as much as I needed him to. As I said, who knows what to expect.

Now on the other hand, I have a great friend who is Moroccan. He is kind, gentle, has never gotten angry with me. I have known him for 5 years maybe. He adores me even though we have only ever been friends. I know he finds me beautiful but with my past experience, I have no desire to get involved with another Arab man and the poor guy knows this plus I am marriage...he is just a friend:). I know he is a good man but with flaws. He sleeps around and really doesn't seem to feel bad about it. It is a physical thing for him, where he feels no love so even if he might say he loves you, he could be satisfying his sexual desires with another women on the side. I felt this Moroccan man is so used to it that he might not even understand a woman's pain, the woman that might love him with all his heart. After all, his love would be for her but still... I know this Moroccan man and I are just friends but I asked him once if he sleeps with women just to appease....he said yes but then went on to say with me though, I make him crazy, not just my obvious beauty on the outside but also on the inside...because we can talk about every thing. These other women, it's just sex. Afterwards there is nothing to say and he can't have a conversation with them.

You and I both know that if we love someone we don't want them running to others for sex while they are with us. We want the same thing return to us that we give. I mean the Morrocan man is like another "Tiger Woods." Yet he is as mild as they come and a great person. Just...not exclusive. What is funny is this goes against their religion but they all feel they will go to Heaven anyway so most are not destroyed or guilt ridden for doing bad.

You have to accept their religion to some degree even if you don't become Muslim because, when you love, you accept him. Once you are married he will expect certain standards but every man is different. In Islam there are common standards. One thing to watch for is comparison. Sometimes they will say Arab women are better because they know their place. A lot of these men from Islamic countries do this. If you see any of these signs then you must take heed. The relationship will sour over time. These men are basically saying you have no right to ask them personal things if perhaps they disappear in the night for hours and you have no idea where they were at. For most Arab men, this is crossing the line in a lot of cases and you are being too nosy. Yet on the other side of the coin, they would not have you do the same ever. They will want to know every detail and you best not ever be with another man. The double standard scenerio.

Personally if your man has endured a lot of difficulty, suffered, hasn't been babied all his life, he might not be so selfish centered, like all these women describe on this site. I think some Arab men really do value a good woman but, the majority seem to have a lot of qualities as you have read on here. I don't believe it's coincidence, I believe it's because they feel it is their religious rights. Also, I know I have seen posts from some of the women on here that profess to have these great relationships with their Arab Husbands. One of them doesn't even live with him and has only been visiting back forth. You need to talk with the ones that have been married, together for years. This will help encourage you and give you a more realistic view. I wouldn't trust anyone's relationship when all they do is talk online most of the time and see each other a few times in a year.

There are signs from these men that all seem to be dominant. They tend to be very kind at first...even for a few years. Once they know you are emotionally tied to them they start showing their true colors. They criticize, they blame you for all the hardship, they compare and make you feel insuperior, they disappear for a week or two and make excuses but oh they still love you or you are over reacting and they punish you by ignoring you for another two weeks etc.... There are definite signs but we as women wish to not accept the obvious and try to overlook it all. You will know if you see any of this and if you don't, then don't worry:)

Also remember, all relationships can sour. We never know what we are getting, we just hope for the best. I was so crazy inlove like you...and I felt at the time, if I didn't take the chance, well I'd never know. I feel sad now that I took the chance and wasted so much, as well as my heart. He just wasn't the greatest person and I blame myself for my judge of character. I realized I didn't like how he was with me so many times...I never felt so much pain, he made me cry so much but he could make me smile so much too. I don't know if I will ever forgive him for some of the things he did because some things were just unforgiveable. I do know I learned you can't take everything for face value, things can change dramatically and that it took a lot to finally accept he wasn't beautiful as I had dreamed him to be. But unlike all of these other women, I think he truly felt love for me in his way and still does, I just wanted so much more than what he was too prideful to ever give. We just never know what will happen. Your man might be wonderful and the perfect husband. The other day I watched this show and the woman was basic, kind of chubby, not so beautiful but you could tell her husband really loved her. She called him the man of her dreams. Please take care.

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