I have a story to tell

Submitted by Broken_Hearted_In_Michigan (United States), Jan 20, 2010 at 01:01

Sorry but this may be kind of long. I'm a 50 year old single woman from Michigan. Met a muslim man from a singles site in november of 2008 who was here in my area getting his phd at the university. He's in his 30's. We chated on yahoo messenger for a few days and I informed him right away that my nephew, who is also arab, was in town going to that same university. My sister married a palestinian and has lived overseas since 1985 and has a good marriage with him. The man I was chatting with seemed concerned about this right away and told me not to tell my nephew anything about him or my nephew would come after me. Well I figured he just wanted to get to know me for sex so this would be a casual relationship with him, which is why he wouldn't want my nephew to know. Probably afraid my nephew would come after him.

We first met face to face a few days after we started chatting online. He was very charming but according to this site, I guess they all are. We started seeing each other a couple times a week and chatted on yahoo messenger every night. He would usually just come to my place. We would rent a movie or do something that usually would lead to sex. He was a virgin when we met. He told me this and also really seemed like he was. He really didn't know what to do. I even had to teach him how to kiss. He still doesn't french kiss though.

By February of 2009 I was in love with him and I get kind of jealous when he jokes about other women or having fans. He told me my jealousy would ruin our relationship but he seems to enjoy pushing my buttons to make me jealous. He sometimes says how women would invite him out for a drink or something but he wouldn't go. One night in February he was on my computer and was reading my history from other guys I chatted with on yahoo messenger. Well he went ballistic and told me he thought I was different and thought he was the only one but found out he was just one of many. Well I never met any other guys I was chatting with online. And I thought to myself... when did this become something other than a casual relationship with him?

Well, anyway, he left that night and wouldn't speak to me because of reading my history, which he had no right reading in the first place. My sister was instrumental in helping me win him back. Sometime in March or April he told me he loved me and we got engaged in June. We then found an apartment and moved in together in July. He was pushing for a quick marriage. I wasn't in such a hurry and wanted to wait a bit. I am disabled and wanted to try to find work first. That and I had made some promises to my mom who lives in a nursing home and is paralyzed from the waist down. He started calling my reasons to wait to marry just excuses.

He changed as soon as we moved in together. He got controlling. Told me not to wear shorts out anymore. I wasn't allowed to use a microwave or eat anything with high salt content. Sometimes when I came home from visiting my mom he would ask me where I had been. He told me I was no longer allowed to even say hello to a man and he told me he would treat me better if I became muslim. I put up with all of it because I love him and because he warned me in the beginning that he was stricter than most and could I tolerate it.

I was really happy for the most part living with him but we would have alot of fights about setting the wedding date and he didn't like my mom getting involved with this decision. He told me often that his mom wanted him to marry his cousin and anytime we had a fight about when we would get married, he would bring up his cousin and how she loves him and is waiting until he returns to marry him. We didnt sleep together either. I would sleep in the bedroom and he would sleep on the floor in the livingroom because sleeping together was wrong in God's eyes. I guess having sex with me was ok though. Finally in September we had a horrible fight which started with me telling him mom was upset. I had this weird idea that, since we were planning on getting married, I could talk to him about anything. Wrong! He never liked me asking questions either. Questions made him angry. So after going for one week with his silence after I told him mom was upset... he finally told me he couldn't marry me, his brother told him not to marry me and he even told god he wasn't going to marry me. Well that of course broke my heart and I cried all night. He also told me he no longer felt comfortable living with me and was looking for an apartment online.

Well I tried to talk to him for a few days after that conversation but finally I decided it was time for me to look for an apartment and move out. I was lucky to find an apartment in October in the same building I used to live in. They welcomed me back with open arms. He and I started talking again and even had sex before I moved out. He also told me if I talked to my family and made sure nobody would get involved in our plans to marry... he would still marry me in December.

Well, as soon as I moved out... he was angry again. Called me a liar and said my moving out proved I didn't want to marry him after all. I really am starting to think he has some kind of mental problem. I guess him saying he was looking for an apartment online was really just a ploy to scare me into marrying him quicker but it backfired and I moved out instead.

Anyway, he has come to my place a couple times since I moved out. Told me he was moving to lower michigan to continue his phd. Made promises to me that yes he still wants to marry me and once he was settled he will tell me to come and join him. He moved from here December 19th and then went home to Egypt for the christmas break. He emailed me a few times while he was there. Said how much he misses me. Soon as he got back to his new place in lower michigan this month he messaged me on yahoo messenger saying how much he misses me and loves me. But now I see he is back on singles sites. So what is he doing still messaging me and telling me he loves me and misses me? I was starting to feel better when he was in egypt and thought to myself... it would be better if he stayed in Egypt and didn't come back. I had stopped crying but now that he's back in the states... I am crying again. My sister said he has put me on the backburner in case he finds someone better. I guess that isn't love. I don't know why I am hanging on.

Been reading this site for awhile now and really am glad it's here.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".