Regretful 4 life:

Submitted by My Story (United States), Feb 6, 2010 at 01:44

Before I begin, I would like to say that I am sure all relationships with Arab men are not the same. I am sure that all of these men are not as horrific as the one I was married to once. I stumbled on to this website and reading the comments took me back thirty years ago when I met and married a man from Lebanon.

I was a young woman in an abusive relationship with two small children, and miles away from home. I met this man at a college in southern Illinois. He was gorgeous, charming, and seemed to have a childlike innocence about him. I thought he was an answer to my prayers to get away from the abuser I was married to. It did seem very odd to me that he was so anxious to marry me so soon after I got my divorce, but thinking he was going to take care of me and be a father to the boys I married him anyway. I remember the ceremony not feeling "right" to me but oh well.

It did not take long after the marriage for things to start going south. He was very explosive and dramatic. He could argue for hours keeping me up all through the night about any and everything. I helped him get through college by paraphrasing his work for him as at first his English was not so good. I helped him anyway I knew how to and I was extremely codependent. He constantly accused me of cheating which I never did. He would curse me, call me whores in two languages,spit in my face you name it. His abuse was mostly verbal and it was so vile until it felt like I was being covered with acid.

At first he was good to the children, but he started verbally abusing them. He would be kind to them one minute and hateful the next. He wanted to punish them for any small infraction. He would tell me that they reminded him that I had slept with another man.My biggest regret is the scars they carried out of my stupid choice to marry this monster. The longer we stayed together the more horrible the whole situation became. He graduated from college, but I quit to follow him to his job. (I later finished) He got his precious green card and we stayed together for a few years after, all in all five years.

One morning as he was getting ready to go to work he made a typical vile comment and something inside of me snapped. He left and when he came home the kids and I were gone. He called me at my family's home and cried and begged, said he would change, the whole nine yards. I tried one more time for about three months and left again and haven't seen him since 1982. I went on with my life finished college, married, had more children. Thank God I never had any children with him. I think sometimes I may have suffered from post traumatic shock myself. If I could save one person from that fate I would be happy.

Yes, of course home grown men in America are guilty of mistreating thier wives as well, but some of these Arab men have an agenda and that is to seek out American women they deem as vulnerable and use them for to obtain a somewhat secure position in our country. Do I think my ex is a terrorist, no I don't. Do I think some others might be capable of marrying an American for this purpose, YES indeed I do. Just be careful ladies. If your Moslem man has treated you well for years chances are he will continue to do so, but for many of us this has not been the case. Oh yeah his two brothers pulled the same stunt as he did. In the end they all ended up married to women from their country and are doing quite well financially speaking. I liked both the brothers they were kind to me and the kids and I kept up with the youngest one for years.

I am aquainted with a woman who married a man from Yemen last year and already the relationship has gone terrribly sour. She is very unhappy and has realized that she made a mistake. I tried to tell her. I wished she had listened. He is all about getting the green card and getting his relatives over. He left a wife in Yemen and I have no doubt that he plans to use this American lady to get her here. Of course he has not divorced her.
This is the first time I have ever written all this down. I think it has been good for me. I could write a book about the whole experience. It took me a long time to put it behind me.

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