To Millie - look, listen and learn. Then judge!

Submitted by Carol (Germany), Feb 19, 2010 at 05:47

Dear Millie, without that I want to get too close with my comment, but I must say, it simply isn't wise to defend these men, after knowing just one of them and only for such a short period of time. 4 Months equals almost nothing. Of course I herad all that crap too, the parents are thrilled to meet me and so on. Sure. Ever herad of the differnece between theory and practice? Well, also, if you would have read my post carefully, you wouldn't have placed any questions about my virginity or the "no sex before marriage"- issue. I wrote I was once divorced. Makes it quite hard to be still virgin after a marriage, don't you agree??? Except if the first husband wouldn't have been a man, but otherwise --- guess I'm clear.

I never converted to Islam and my husband also never pressured me to do so. His mother did, though. Repeatedly. Knowing her well enough at the time, I knew it wouldn't change a bit, so why convert to something, I actually don't believe in? i could never say I believe in their prophet, because this would make me feel as if I approve of a pedophile. Things I could never do! Did you read the Koran? I did. What the Koran says and what the men make from it are two entirely different things. You already started to give up on your own personality and you seem to feel even good about it. Well, I never used to eat a lot of pork to begin with, but beef neither, so ever since I rather sticked to chicken, but let's say I would love to endulge in pork (some people do): I would not give this up for anyone, just like I would never ask anyone to change something just because of me. My moroccan husband is by the way highly educated, coming from a wealthy family and lived many years in western Countries, we are the same age and when we met, he sounded so totally different from the man, he later turned out to be.

As I said, I would never ask someone to change for me, but therefore I always tried to find out exactly how the person is, BEFORE I started something serious. Example: if a woman knows immediately the man she just met is a notorious liar and cheater, she would not be interested in getting closer, except if there's something wrong with her brain. If the man manages to make her believe he is just the man she is looking for, and plays that role a while very convincing, to prove his words right, then of course things seem to be fine. By dropping the mask right after marriage and showing what kind of man he really is, of course the view has to change. Besides, I met really many of them, because he has a large number of friends, but the more of them I met, the less I felt comfortable with my husband. I don't always agree with stuff my friends say, but mostly we're similar. So if he is similar as his friends..... you finish that thought! However, over the years I went through so many disappointments caused by him, that some day I stopped counting. It was too much. Many things which he said in the beginning, he later wiped away with a laugh, saying "and you really believed me?".

My favorite is still the often heard remark "what do I care about stuff I said five minutes ago". More and more I just had to see that he isn't who he pretended to be. The thrilled family turned out to be a nightmare, his highly praised fidelity seemed to be the second part of the word HiFi but had nothing to do with keeping his pants on, his love for our sons turned out to be as lousy as the definition of love in general when coming from a muslim man. In the end his mother is all what counts and although we are the same age, he started even to complain about this, saying actually I'm supposed to be much younger.

Well, excuse me, he knew precisely my date of birth and was fine with it. Sorry, my fault, he said he was fine with it. We got married without the reason of making papers, because he already had a GreenCard in the USA and became later a Citizen, all through his workplace and without some marriage scam; it wasn't about money either, because he has lots of it without my income, but in the end he said he just wanted to do something revolutionary in his family. Like marrying a divorced, same-age western woman... The unthinkable, as it seems. Millie, I heard and read also a lot about muslim men before I met my husband, but as you see, I didn't listen to it and gave my husband a try. Especially because none of the usual points matched: not for the money, not for papers, so it had to be love. Right???

When I figured that most of the stories are correct, that there is even more to it, I felt miserable, but I put on my mind not to allow this to cloud my decisions about muslims. Problem is only, that although I know really plenty of them, hundreds, I only met one who is honest and fidel, who is a family man and rather spends time with wife and kids than with his male friends in coffee-shops, followed by a visit in a club and a short encounter with some easy to get woman. Who years later sometimes let a doctor fix their virginity, so they can get nicely married to some muslim men, who doesn't know anything about their past. But that's another story.... This one man however actually doesn't go out with male friends at all, speaks the truth and works hard to have a good life for his family and himself. From his good income, far above average in Morocco, he even supports his sisters, so they can study like he did. One out of hundreds! That's a lousy cut.

By the way, I stayed together ten years with my husband, before I just couldn't take it anymore. I'm truly christian and to me marriage is holy. My first marriage failed due to my wish for children. My first husband said he wanted kids, but when it was time to have them, he bailed out, saying that actually he doesn't like kids. He deceived me in this one point only and I let him go anyway. Kids are essential to a family life. That's why I wrote in my first post that western men also lie or cheat or whatever. They are not perfect, nobody is. Women neither, by the way, but muslim men seem to really have a pattern for their wrongdoing and misbehaviour and it doesn't matter how old you are, how pretty, how wealthy, how educated or whatever --- it won't work. They just are, how they are, also regardless of money, social status and so on. I believed I found the exception from the rule, but I didn't. Now I wrote far more private stuff as what I wanted, but on the other hand, if it helps others to understand, that even the "knight in shining armour" will let them down if he is muslim, well, then it served a good cause.

So, Millie, when your honeymoon is over, when you have met the thrilled parents, and when at least two or three years passed by, THEN you should place another post. If you still sound so defending for these men, because your man turned out ot be what he claims to be, then I'll make it two good muslim men out of hundreds..... Good luck to you -- I mean it!

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