Response to "Hi Jenna".

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Feb 26, 2010 at 13:31

Jenna, I will answer your post and quiet frankly no i am tired of this board. It has became boring. At first when I found this board, it was interesting to read because there was good information on reading people's stories and I was about to go on my out of country trip and wanted to know what to expect and I gave my experiences as well as all others but because I have a voice all of my own,

1) The nature of this board has not changed for the better part of 2.5 years, and even then, there just were not many postings in 2006. I think that "boring" is just a polite adjective you are using because you do not like what is said on here.

2) If you want information about traveling to another country, the best place to contact is the State Department, not a blog.

and I speak up, most do not and will not like it as it is their choice.

1) If you were so sure about the choices you were making, you would not be looking this information up on-line.

2) No one is making choices for anyone. Not agreeing with or not supporting someone's decision does not mean they are making the choice for them.

I honestly thought if I shared my experience openly that it would show two sides of the story which will never happen on this type of board.

The "other side" of the story is usually a selfish foreigner who gets to use you for money, a visa or take you as a second wife to do all the chores and be confined to the house while goes out and has a night on the town, after which, he may leave you once he is legally established.

In a lot cases it boils down to this---one side is the truth, the other is a lying scammer.

If I chose to leave this board it is not to go hide I promise you. Im tired of it being one sided. I can't change anyone's point of view and it is their relationships.

Sorry, but I'm not quite buying that, and you're right---you're not going to change someone's point of view who has been hurt one or more times by on-line scammers via distance relationships. The problem is you sound as if you've never had to experience that yet.

Perhaps you ought to consider that before trying to change us.

They will have to see for themselves and decide if it is something they want or not, not for me or anyone to tell anyone what to do.

Most people who are posting on here are asking what to do! No one is holding a gun to anyone's head and forcing them to do anything!

I wanted to tell others there are some good men and asking here would not do anything but doubt and how can a stranger on the outside actually know 100% to be giving advice?

Common sense and simple behavioral patterns and red flags:

1) Giving money and gifts to someone you've never met or only met a few times---is that the sign of a good partner or a good relationship of any kind.

2) Marrying someone you barely know, never met, or only met a few times. Quick marrriage is the ultimate weapon used by visa scammers from everywhere---not just Muslim men.

3) People who have to post on-line about their relationship. Do you see any Muslim couples from Egypt, Turkey or Morocco on here defending their relationships? No. Why? Because they are secure in their relationships and don't care about what we write.

4) Meeting people on-line, especially on Y! or MSN messanger.

5) Talking about marriage with your man and then finding out he has lots of female friends and won't get off of dating sites. I've dated women who acted like that before, and that was just the surface of what was going on.

Am I to understand that if one of your girlfriends here in the USA came to you and asked for advice and said that she had only seen the guy once, sent him $4000 and an ipod and a DVD player, and that she was in love and wanted to marry him that you would just shrug and say "it's your choice"?

Sure it may have been their experience but maybe not for the next person. Also i may have been wrong to give advice as well as anyone else on this board. How can anyone of us know anyone's situations to judge. We are playing with lives here by giving advice and we are not therapists or doctors.

While it is very probable that many people who turn to the internet for extensive social interaction need formal counseling, an adult woman does not ordinarily need a doctor or therapist to tell her when she should dump a man. I could maybe understand if this board was a teen-dating advice column, however, many of the women on here are in their later 30's-70's. Some had been married for over a decade or two.

The key thing they are missing is information, not a professional consultation, and that information is hard to come by when you only see your man for a few times out of the year or not all.

Besides, people end relationships all the time for various reasons. I think what makes it so difficult from stories on here is that the man is younger, more fit, and has excellent charming skills.

If the advice given on this board is so powerful and influential to you or anyone that you are worried about it affecting your/their lives, then something is definately amiss.

Because I don't have that dreaded feeling or doubt in my husband's love for me so it is easy for me to say. I am very comfortable with him based on his character and his goodness and his heart and daily living(yes, from afar until he is here in April or May) He is a good listener and I love all his qualities that I have seen.

That you have seen? That tells me you really don't know him all that well, but yet you have a wedding planned??

You don't have to have a "dreaded" feeling for this to blow up in your face. It's not a pre-requisite for relationship failure.

Nothing is perfect and life is too short to worry about what may happen because it happened to this one and this one.

How about almost everyone? Little different than "this one" and "that one".

2) You don't have to own a mansion or be rich to attract the attention of a scammer. During my investigation, I found that people in rural Minnesota, South Dakota, North Dakota and Tennessee were being intentionally targeted. Not because they are filthy rich, but because they are seen nice, friendly and therefore gullible.

Alabama, where you live, has much of the same mirco-culture as these states.

3) Lots of people take photos. Does not mean their marriage will work out or be happy.

4) It does not matter what your original intentions are.

Anyway the bickering back and forth is why we quit pageants and the name calling and is why I am finished posting to this board or reading it.

Comments on this board are pre-screened, so there is very little name-calling.

My final words, I will not listen to strangers who do not know me or him and try to tell me he is no different. We don't play games with one another and we don't try to charm one another. we are average people trying to make the best of a bad situation.

Then why do you keeping reading the posts on here and interacting with other posters and writing all of these long responses?

Did you just have an insecurity attack and felt the need to come back here and trash this board some more to make yourself feel better about your marriage to a man you clearly don't know?

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