Moroccan ex-boyfriend is going to marry American Citizen (not me) for Green Card - I'm trying to move on but stuck and sad :(

Submitted by Julie (United States), Apr 10, 2010 at 10:46

Hello all,

Reading articles here given me a lot and lot of relief. I was dating a Moroccan guy who I met here in US while he is working here on an internship (1 yr visa). We shared the most beautiful moments ever and I fell head over heels in love with him. I do a lot of research before going into anything so I knew that most Moroccan's No.1 agenda when he comes to this country is to find a way to stay in US permanently.

So I started finding ways how he can do it legally and in an honest way. I forwarded him a vacancy in my office and I know that my company does sponsor Visa...he didnt seem interested and when I asked him about it he said that he didnt come to US to stay back although he wouldnt "mind", but still an office job is not for him...I said OK.

Then I started looking for him colleges/schools that he can attend, where he can get a degree (he's only 24) and then move on to find a job once he finishes...i also offered him that i will work for him part time and do whatever i can to help him with his tuition.

I did all this because I didnt want him to eventually try to use me for a Green Card..And by the way, right from the beginning I told him that I dont support those lazy people who use American's for Green Card and I believe in the way of hard work. He said he understands and he will try to figure out a way to stay in US to be with me.

Despite these discussions, our relationship was beautiful....we met everyweek and spent time at his apartment, where he cooked for me and we had wonderful time together...I also happen to have a very well paying job, really atractive, slim, never married, and 29 years old..he is 24 by the way.

However, with time I saw he was slowly gettign distracted, he started only texting me instead of calling...and it seemed he was really busy with other stuff and totally lost the interest....so next time i went to his house, i checked his computer history and saw that he started visiting dating websites ..i knew smth was up and my heart sank....also i discovered that he lied to me before that he doesnt have a facebook account. He has one and that too with a loooooong list of females in it...

That night i went back home very sad, not knowing why he was doing this. What was missing in our relationship? As far as i knew , it was as perfect as it could get. A few days later, when he had a day off, i called him-he didnt pick. then called him again after 2 hours -he didnt pick. Then after 4 hours of no call back - UNUSUAL.

My female instinct told me he is with some girl....so later that evening, after i cried all evening, i decided to just show up at his place....i DID ! And guess what, I found him in bed with a Woman !!!! It was like someone kicked me in the stomach....

Now, I thought he was two-timing us and i felt the other girl should also know that he is a cheater, so i told her everything...but she didnt CARE !!!! She shrugged when i told her he had sex with me just two days back !!!!

After about 10 days back i went to collect my things from his house...i had no intention to talk to him...but he insisted and told me he has a "reason" why he is with her and that he really likes me and we should remain friends..."Maybe in the future there will be something more"....i didnt fall for it, but on my way home, i was so disgusted by him that i sent him really nasty text messages calling him a male prostitute, that he will remain a waiter his whole life...etc....i felt sooooo betrayed and i just had to let out my anger...

Later i felt soooo bad telling him bad stuff, because in my life, i have never hurt another person..(although my friends tell me he deserved it). Anyway, i told him sorry, which he accepted and we decided that we will be friends....

The heartache didnt go and it became worse when i started follwoing his facebook and found out everything about the girl. She is 20, short and overweight and seems to have low self esteem..It didnt help that she puts up minute by minute account of her life, along with lovey dovey pictures of her with him. Seeing them together, my heartache would go back to square one!

After about a month, he called me....and said he needs my help on an urgent issue...i felt that he actually wanted to tell me smth...so i went, and thne he said he actually called me because he misses me a lot and started hugging me, kissing me etc...I told him at least be faithful to her, now that you made your choice....Then he said that he is with her only for Green Card and doesnt love her...and is now depressed because what he really wants is to be with me..but he has three months left and there is no alternative...and asked me if i would marry him...

My answer was of course no...that was my last attempt at putting sense into his head....i begged him not to make the mistake of his life but go to school instead or even go back to morocco...If he married her, either he will end up leaving her after he gets Green Card - which will devastate her and ruin her life...Or he will stay with her, cheat on her and they will make each other miserable. I could already see a world of change in him - he was depressed-cursing that life is unfair. I felt so much love for him as that was the first day we both confessed our love for each other. The woman in me who cried nights that he didnt love me - finally my love was being reciprocated...I was torn. I wanted to hold him and kiss sense into his head. Amidst all the madness, there was so much passion - we clung to each other like we never wanted to let go....

But finally my answer was no. I asked him never to leave her and destroy another human's life. He said he has no intention to do that (then i remembered, the last time i came to pick up my things, he asked me to be friends - and that in the future we might be together again)...Why would he try to keep me as a friend with a possibility of the future ?????? Of course he is lying !!! He has every intention of leaving her..I had to leave all that madness behind, so i left quickly. Told myself, RUN from this sweet poison.

He is still on dating websites, logging in everyday !!!! And every minute that girl is falling in love with him more and more (as i can see from her facebook).....

I dont know whether to save her or not ! Thing is- im mad with her. When i walked in on them that day, i tried to tell her RUN...But she took me as "competition". She "shows off" her pretty exotic boyfriend on facebook like she won a trophy......Im mad with her she doesnt know the sanctity of love herself !!! Otherwise why would a person, take pictures of intimate moments shared in the bedroom and put them up on facebook for the whole world to see? Im pretty sure if I exposed his intentions to her, she will only think im jealous. She is totally not prepared to have her dream bubble burst. I feel even if she knew that she was being used for Green Card, she would still go ahead and marry him.

At this point, the only relief I find is here on these blogs...I feel a sense of LOSS. Loss of the greatest romance of my life....loss that the same person whose eyes can be filled with love, honesty, passion, kindness can turn into eyes of a cheater, liar, user. What kind of person does this? How does he justify it? Whats so bad about working hard your way up...The rest of the world does it....Why does Green Card scammers think that its the easy way? is it that easy? pretending to be in love with someone for 3 yrs, 7 yrs? As far as Im concerned - Its selling your soul and selling your body, selling yourself to a woman just for a green card.

Still, the pain doesnt go.......

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