Reply to Rachaell

Submitted by Stephanie (United States), Apr 16, 2010 at 15:07

Rachaell, no one here can prevent you from marrying. All there is to say is, I hope you use your intelligence in learning fully who this man is and what he is capable of. Who knows who anyone really is, especially on the internet. Just think with your mind, not your heart. A lot of people assume these men are average, yet a lot of these men make a living off of scamming women. This means it's second nature to them and they are used to telling women what they think they want them to hear, even if it means ((lying)). Lying in Islam isn't necessarily considered bad if it's done to defend the religion, protect themelves or family, to not hurt another, etc. Do you get what I am saying? Your whole life could end up being a lie and somehow most of these men never ever feel bad about not telling the truth because they justify it through Islam.

Who knows what kind of man you are speaking with and even if anything he answers in response to you would ever be what really exist inside of him. I knew a man who kept saying he never wanted to leave Egypt, etc... yet the most important thing to him was to get out of Egypt. The second, seem to be money (materialistic man he was) and then came the sex. He'd lie and seem most sincere to get what he wanted under any circumstance. It never ever hurt his heart even when he hurt others and he did it like it was a breath of air. I don't know how people do this and not feel guilt. I wasn't raised to understand this behavior. I do know how I felt about this man, in the end. I felt disgusted with him, the thought of him. I couldn't believe anything anymore. If he had ever tried to tell me something, I couldn't have distinguished between truth and lies. I didn't trust him at all and I saw him as "the liar." It hurt my heart to realize so much was a lie, but worse, I felt broken because I was so naive to never know that people existed like this. I know it was my fault for all the pain I felt, for not studying all the culture differences and knowing before hand, what these man are capable of. You are fortunate, you have a chance to know and not go into it blindly. I don't believe a good man, a good person could not do such a thing, I think it's just another reason where they make excuses to do wrong in the name of God, but in the end, things always have away of catching up. If we are all created in God's image and the majority of us feel guilt for hurting, stealing, and taking from others, then I don't believe what they do is against God and they will pay for their bad ways.

It's not that you can just be hurt by these people, we can be hurt by anyone. On the internet, it's fake reality. You know the virtual world. You can't know someone for real until you are with them, spending time with them and you shouldn't have to jump into marriage to be able to do this. Even in Egypt they may get engaged right away but during their engagement they get to know each other, like our dating. If they find they don't like each other, they can call it off. In Egypt they have what is called Orfi Marriages, I call them fake marriages. It's so they can have sex with whom they wish and not feel bad about sinning against God and yet when they tire of the woman, they can throw her away or end the affair any time. It's not real. It's their version of us having boyfriends here. That's their way of life and they know from practically birth, their practices and culture but we can not know. Women here just can not know everything with their culture because we weren't raised that way. The Bible says God hates a liar and yet in Islam they condone the lie. It's opposite of how most Western people are raised. Yes, everyone lies. We are imperfect and it's a tendency when we feel threatened but to make a practice of it, that's another story completely. In the last four years of my life I can only recall lying five times and I feel great guilt. I felt it was very wrong but these men, they just don't. Think about it. Customs really do matter. Knowing what I know now and I feel bad to say this, but I would never look at a Muslim man.

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