My Story, Plus Valuable Advice (those marrying a Moroccan pay close attention)

Submitted by Got Smart Fast (United States), Apr 20, 2010 at 23:37

Before I begin, here is a little about my past experience with marrying someone of a different faith, culture, and country: I married a man from Morocco in 2004. I bought him over on a fiance visa to America and we married quickly. Oh yes, I had been to his country a few times, met his family, friends, and coworkers, but later I found out that they all understood he just needed to go to America to have a better life----> I wasn't the love of his life as I was led to believe and told so frequently.

As soon as the ring was on the finger he got abusive, controlling, and began to whine about needing to go see friends in New York for a bit, meaning ---> I am gonna stay away from you as much as I can, spend your money while you work 12 hours a day, make my food, support the household, and cater to my every whim like my mom and sisters did back home. Remember ladies, if some cases, the fiance visa gives them a temporary work permit which means they can get a social security number too. Some can work as soon as their feet hit the ground in America. My husband, a very educated man with very good English, had that luxury extended to him, but wasn't about to use it.

To make a long story short, he made a fatal error: He got angry with me (I was suddenly too fat, too ugly, and too boring for him after 3 years of writing and seeing each other) and fled to New York to visit his Moroccan "friends" because he was lonely for his own people. I told him not to come back if he left me. He also angered and disappointed my family with his ways. He didn't see a problem because his "friends" would help him stay in New York as long as he liked, where he sooo wished to be, and they would support him because he was well respected in their hometown. Once in New York his friends advised him to get a job and work underground because they were living on top of each there in a very bad part of the city as it was - no free lunch there either. They also advised him to call and go home to me and settle into his new married life as soon as possible.

Then to make things worse he had to return home to Morocco. We had discussed that he would go back home at some point because he had a very sick parent. He forgot, and his" friends" didn't advise him to get the paperwork done that allows you to return after an emergency leave to your home country. After begging and borrowing the plane fare from a "friend" he went to the airport, went to board the plane, and they snatched all his documents out of his passport. Whoops! He had no choice but to go home empty handed. He had fouled his nest with me and his friends - he played his cards all wrong. Bet he wished he had gotten that social security number before he walked his pompous behind away from me. Atleast he could have worked someplace nice in New York with it.

Oddly enough, I probably wouldn't have cared as long as he was taking care of himself and tried to work on the marriage. You just don't stop loving someone overnight even when they treat you bad. Working hard like common folk--->his friends<--- was NOT his cup of tea anyway. He informed me when got home that he was glad to be away from me and didn't care about the visa at all. Two months later I heard everyone that knew him was calling him stupid and he kept trying to reconcile with me after that and get back to America. For that I would have needed to start a relative visa....uggghhh.

I'm the luckiest woman in the world everyone - my problem LEFT ME on Royal Air Maroc, the same way it had arrived. I have no visa drama as I cancelled his way back to me by writing the Dept of Homeland Security and discussing my situation. The divorce was easy because he left and the marriage was done in MY country. Another error he made was sending me angry emails after he got home expressing exactly how he felt about me and what our marriage meant before he decided he needed to reconcile with me (save all letters and emails). Too funny. I don't have to worry about this lazy no good racking up bills on welfare because he refuses to work hard. Not everyone gets this fortunate after making the same error in judgement I did, but read below for some tips to keep your heart safe and your sanity intact before you make what could be the biggest error of your life.

If youre feeling like you just can't go on without marrying this person from another country, here is some great advice that may save you a lot of heartache later. Don't be a fool and marry outside your country because if you must divorce it becomes a nightmare. Always, ALWAYS, GET A FIANCE VISA., and invite them to YOUR country to marry. In America, for example, you have 90 days of "getting to know each other time" before the visa runs out. Use as much of that time as possible learning about that person your thinking of marrying.

It usually only takes three days of waiting time before you can use your marriage license, so no need to rush...really. They will be in YOUR home so this will be to your advantage. If they seem pushy to get the marriage done once they arrive, or they balk at the idea of coming to you, this is a red flag moment for you. Lucky you for seeing the writing on the wall very early. Remember, if you marry this person you will be financially responsible, and maybe legally liable if he/she does something against the law--->lawsuits<---. If you marry and they accuse you of abuse, they may have rights under the law that will help them get away from you, live in your country, and still enjoy the luxury of living on your dime (men, pay close attention to that). Women, don't marry a man that can't prove to you that he graduated high school, at the very least, in his country.

Get his diploma and have him get it translated and sent to you. If he has a resume, tell him to translate that too. Tell him you will start the search for jobs for him well before he arrives to make things nicer for you both. It's to your advantage to know what your marrying and what your struggles will be. People lie - understand that. If you really did your work right before you extended the fiance visa, you have pinpointed a friend of his/hers in their country that you have met that has loose lips and appears slightly jealous of their friends new life. Get close to this one and keep in touch because they are valuable sources of information - trust me. Ladies, use birth control until he is securely in the marriage, you will know when this is. Having kids too early complicates an already complicated situation. He doesn't need to know that, it's your body, and a baby won't make him love you or stay. If he can't speak your language well, and you can't communicate with his family or friends, you will never know what your marrying into. Sorry, but your done before you really start. As his or your language improves to the point of truly understanding each other, your probably not gonna recognize who you married. Love doesn't require you to change your religion, nor will you change your core beliefs for it.

Read and understand your partners belief system. Money isn't everything, but after the 10th year of supporting someone who never loved you, and because your legally bound to do it, you may start to wonder if it is everything..... Last BUT not least " IF YOU HAVE TO GO THROUGH ANYTHING THIS COMPLICATED JUST TO GET MARRIED, IT MAY NOT BE WORTH IT"!

Live well and be smart everybody.

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