Response to Rachell

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), May 23, 2010 at 14:42

Hi I don't really know what to say, I'm in the same situation, I have received many comments about this, %99 are bad and only 0ne told me that I have to take the risk if I feel real love,

That is a fallacy. You do not have to take unnecessary risks with men you hardly know or trust to experience euphoric love.

What you are considering doing is out of desperation, not love. I would not be surprised if your man is insisting on a quick marriage, which by your contradictory remarks and desire for immediate answers clearly suggests you are no where near ready for.

That would probably be why "99%" of the posts on here are warning you not to go through with this.

I think that not only muslim men are bad husbands if we don't have luck we can find a bad husband next to our homes, everybody says that muslim men are bad and they tell many bad stories

but I really think there are many good stories too and They are happy and they don't have problems or fear ,so, they don't write here.I know that the rules of muslim are so different and harder than ours and that is our fear.

Muslim marriages can be stricter or more lax, it all depends on the couple.

If we get married and have children they will have the right to stay with the children if there is a divorce and the bad thing is that we always think of bad things , divorce , problems, defferent religion, different costums, and Why don't we think of good things?,

Because as a matter of basic evolution and self-protection, whenever a woman is courted by or is dating a man, she looks for reasons not to be with him because she already is with him.

Lack of similarities is one of the things that a normal woman looking for a stable relationship will notice and explore immediately.

Also, there is not much good to think about when there is a communication gap because no trust can develop. It clearly has not developed in your situation or you would not be on here. Women by nature are cautious because the greatest fear a woman is that a man will turn on her, rape her and then kill her.

All you are doing is throwing out any advantage you have in communicating with him in the hopes that it will all work out, and yet as your post meanders on, you still cannot convince yourself this is real.

a successfull marriage, a happy life, an inconditional love, a hard love which can survive every different things that we have, I want to do that, i wanna think of good things, I wanna believe that I'm a lucky person who found a great love thanks my God I wanna be possitive cause if I don't take the risk i will be confussed all my life,

If you do not take the risk, chances are, you will meet someone new, someone you can trust and you forget all about this man.

"Wanting to believe" is insufficient to have a happy marriage and unconditional love that you just talked about.

I was in love with a man who lives near my house and He hurt me so much cause he was with another woman and He treated me badfull I suffered a lot and finally I found a man who is muslim and wants to marry me in four months, He wants to take that risk too cause he wants to live here in my country, but the problem is ; the man who I loved so much realizes that he loves me and he is all time around me, caring me helping me and my family wants me to marry him cause we know his family and he does everything for me, He leaft that woman and all he wants is marry me, I'm really confussed cause I want to marry that strange man with a strange way of life, religion language etc..

Do you see what is happening here----you are trying to justify a marriage to a man you hardly know from a bad experience with another man. You are attempting to use this experience to try and convince yourself that you know him, but it really is not working, is it?

You say you want to marry him, yet he is strange to you. Does that make any sense? I think the only reason you like this man right now is because he talks sweet and is different.

No one can really blame you for being attracted to a man like this after the experience you had with your neighbor, but it sounds to me like you are just on the rebound.

Similarities, not differences, are the key to a stable relationship.

Even if you did marry this man, it would not change much. You would still have all these doubts. I have explained to others on here that marriage is not the finish line to your doubts. They will persist and be even greater because through marriage, you would now have a contract with the state, one that is not so easily dissolved.

so tell me if Am I the right person who can give u a honest opinion, I need your opinion now cause i am %99 sure that I want to wait that man I want to be with him and maybe Im taking the wrong decision but that is what I want,

Marrying this man would not be a wise decision at all. As a guy, I have to tell you that a quick marriage is often a sign of an alteroir motive.

Good and bad luck is in everywhere around the world we don't need to marry a muslim man to have bad or good luck in marriage, so I want to take the risk, God helps us... firefly.lha@hotmail.com

Love is not about luck, Rachell. It's about two people who get to know and understand each other. It's pretty hard to do when your man speaks a different language and has a different religion and different culture and this is one of the many reasons that people marry other people who are similar.

You are complicating the situation and throughout this post you are trying to rationalize a quick marriage with a man that you hardly know. Your heart is desperate for love after a bad experience, yet your feminine instincts are telling you to slow down.

Listen to your instincts, Rachell. Well-tuned instincts of females do not disappoint.

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