Response to Lily on Egyptian man

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Jul 13, 2010 at 19:57

I do have a few concerns here.

First of all, I want you to understand something very important:

Vacation companies and relationship scammers are known to prey on people who are on vacation. It's a convienent opportunity because usually the kids are not around and it's easy to make a sale because people often have their guard down on vacations. After all, vacations are supposed to relaxing, right?

What makes your particular situation even more precarious is that you were obviously vulnerable during the same time you met him because of your previous relationship.

You say now it's nine months, but I'm not sure that you've really given yourself some time to adjust to the circumstances. This is all on top of the fact that you are not sure about him but yet you are contemplating moving in with him.

The first thing you must understand is that living together without marriage can be complicated. Him telling you that he won't cheat on you will not be sufficient to satisfy your logical feminine instincts.

Lily, I have no doubt that you have strong feelings for this man and I do not doubt his attraction to you. But love? I hear that word on here so often, and to your credit, you did meet your man in person, but meeting someone like you did on holiday is really not a good way to meet men.

I think the reason why you are confused is because you are having a classical heart vs. head conflict. In these cases, lily, you've got to listen to your feminine instincts. More specifically, Lily, you simply do not trust this man. Not enough to live with him anyways,. If you did, you would not be writing to us on here and these stories would have no effect on you.

I have observed that women do not trust men they do not know very well, and these periodic extended stays really are not enough to satisfactorily give you the confidence to do so.

The possibility you must consider is that if you did decide to do it and found he was a liar, what then? This is the hard question that so many do not want to answer and just close their eyes and hope it all works out.

As you can tell from the stories on here, that's not a common occurrence, and even certain folks on here who are married show clear signs of misery.

I don't think you are stupid by any means for having feelings for a man like this, but a successful, happy relationship will be more than just blindly following your attractions.

The other thing that bothers me is all this special treatment. Staying with him, that's either/or in my view because of a lot of people in the Old World do that for travelers, but all-expense paid cruises, that's a concern. A man who is truly interested in you will try and get to know you, not shower you with gifts and cruises or parade you around work.

There are really only three kinds of men who shower a woman with such lavishness---

1) A guy who does not know the dating game at all. He's completely oblivious to the fact that a woman will feel she has to return affection whether she really wants to or not.

2) Scammers and liars. Unlike the clueless man, these guys know exactly what they are doing are hoping a woman will like him. Affection and love are meaningless, so long as his dark objective is met.

3) A man who is already married to or is engaged to the woman he is giving these things to.

One of the red flags discussed on here is quick marriage. The strategy is simple because people who are spontaneous and don't think things through buy into those things. Even though you are not planning on marrying this man, he's moving quicker than you are comfortable with. Now, I don't know if you have convened your concerns to him, but if he lacks patience with you, then it is absolutely time to move on.

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