To Anna on cheating husband

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 10, 2010 at 22:53

Hi Anna

Thanks for sharing that, although I'm sure it was very difficult for you.

First, let me just say that I understand your decision to currently remain with this man. I'm not a fan of divorce or separation by any means, especially when there are small children involved, but there are some concerns here that I think you need to think about.

To start, Ann, you shared with us that you met---and married your man within a year. On a blog like, that is a cause for concern. The reason is that many of relationships described on here are long distance or on-line. Usually it's both. My advice to folks in these situations is not to have advised getting married within a year even if they had been dating in person.

The second concern I have is the age difference, and this is going to be a challenge in the future. A lot of women on here are older than the man they are dating, and as a guy, this concerns me. In general, women biologically mature faster than men, and if the man you are married to is 35, 36 or younger, then he has not lived most of his life as an adult.

You are most certainly right to not be trustworthy of him and I would advise you to be very wary in the future. What he did to you is absolutely unacceptable. He should be with you helping you raise your daughter, not galavanting off with another woman he is attracted too.

A lot of women in similar situations on here swear that they are attractive for their age, and I have no reason to dispute that, and it usually does not come across as being arrogant when women say it, I just think they want to make sure they have all their bases covered.

But as a guy, it concerns me because if your man is immature and does not have your trust, that's an issue. Chances are, as the older person in the relationship, the effects of aging might hit you first and he'll have to step up and take care of you in the long-term.

The absolute worst thing you could do is let him off the hook. Obviously, you can't be blamed by any sane person for not trusting him. But speaking exclusively as a man, and it does not matter if this man is American, Moroccan, or whatever--If you accept his behavior, he'll take it as a permission slip to do something like it again.

I do wish you the best of luck, but it may also be prudent to first let him know how you feel and secondly it may not hurt to get relationship counseling. From your post you sound very much on the up and up, but I also want you to know that my critique is that your marriage is not really based on as solid ground as you may have thought prior to him cheating on you.

Again, I'm not suggesting a divorce or separation, but I hope you'll keep these considerations in mind.

Also, feel free to come back at any time. I don't have any involvement in running this blog, but I've been here for a while.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".