To Jess---Thoughts on Italian/Moroccan man marriage case

Submitted by Straight_Talk_Luigi (United States), Nov 18, 2010 at 22:48

Hi Jess

Thanks for sharing your dilemma with us, and I have no doubt this is weighing heavily on your mind.

From what you describe to me, this does not sound good, especially if this was a on-line/distance/met on vacation relationship.

Speaking directly as a guy, it seems to me that he really does not respect you. If a man does not respect you, he cannot love you.

The concern I have is that you met a man over a decade younger than you in another country, and now he's here and is just loafing off of you.

To be blunt, Jess, this guy is just a bum. Is he just waiting for his green card? Probably. And even if he isn't, he isn't much of a husband. Seems to me like you adopted a son instead of marrying into something of equal partnership.

The thing is Jess, I'm not a fan of divorce, but this is the same old recycled story we keep hearing about and I just don't think he cares about you. For him it's all about a free ride.

What I would is contact an immigration lawyer, and if it makes you feel better, see if you can get one or two of your friends to go with you. I find that women in such dilemmas get more confidence when they have such support and it may seem annoying at times but be thankful it's there.

This way, Jess, you can find out what your options are and what will happen if decide, say to try and get him deported. That is perhaps the most logical course of action. I know you mentioned a concern about getting back together. My question to that is why? Jess, this man is at a point in this relationship where he will not change, and if you wrote back to me tommorrow and said he did I would still have the same concerns.

It just won't happen, and as hard as it is, you've got to start the process of getting yourself out of this mess. And once you do, be prepared for him to go from slouch to trying to do everything he can to save this sham he has going on. If he's like other men and women who pull this nonsense, he'll throw the book at you. Sob stories, fake medical situations/emergencies, begging, crying, trying to make you feel guilty and blame (you may be surprised how well that works) flowers, you name it.

Please feel free to come back on here as well.

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