Response from Jess

Submitted by Jess (United States), Nov 19, 2010 at 20:23

Hi Everyone,

I'm glad for all the feedback. Well u know I told him that if we go to the "appointment" next year, what am I supposed to say "that he has been such and 'honest' husband and trying 'hard' to work and help me out. Well anyways, he played dumb and said "what appointment." I said you know your removal of conditions appointment. I said am I supposed to lie and tell them what a wonderful husband you have been, trying so hard for the relationship?! Anyways, he got mad at first, then second he came onto the back porch and said well if your not going to go for this "green card" thing than I guess I know what I need 2 go, I need to go back home. Anyways, later in the evening he came to me all sweet and told me how much he loves me and its just that hes down cause hes a "guy" and its hard for a man not to be working, etc. Anyways, he started applying for work and found a basic job finally! I guess my point is, it took a threat to get him off his butt. He even is helping somewhat around the house. You know I don't like to think bad, I think well you know its a cultural difference. I need to understand his culture, why he's not into a "friendship" with me, well his excuse is that his family is screwed up and 'abusive' he doesnt know how to share or open up. But I mean hes not that interested in being physical or even sleeping at night in the same room. You know I try to make all kinds of excuses, he has ADD he can't sleep at night (which is true, he doesnt sleep good at night). but I mean Iv'e told him a million times even a message can make me happy! Anyways, I talked recently to an immigration lawyer. He didn't say much except "love is a risk" So he said there's not much I can do about my affidavid of support or even after he removes conditions. this guy may be true or he may divorce me and try for allimony. Only comfort he could give me is that the courts tend to be fair, base it on how long you were married, etc. He said a "post nup" is not a good idea as it may make our relationship worse and it can also be argued against in court, etc. So, I guess my impusive relationship decision will take time to see if I made a huge mistake or not. I pray to God to give me wisdom and help me to make the right decision. I am a christian and had a failure in my early 20's in marriage, I don't want to fail God again, so you can see this is huge.

Anyways, thanks for all your support. It's so hard for me to know what is cultural, abusive past, ADD, or just plain lying!

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".