Moving to Algeria, Islam, Muslim man, marriage

Submitted by Straight_Talk (United States), Oct 25, 2011 at 13:55

Hello American Mom

To start, I have some real concerns about this. You seem to be in an awful hurry at trying to figure out your options and essentially you are asking us if there some kind of a fail-safe in case things don't work out.

I want you to stop and think about this.

First of all, people who are spontaneous are susceptible to getting scammed. Actually, that is a sales trick. People who are spontaneous will buy into things more easily. Your partner may or not be in it for a visa, but I'm thoroughly convinced that you don't have enough information to be marrying him. Now, that could be because you don't know him well enough or he's holding back, not being honest with you or some combination of those.

You're going to have these challenges anytime you are in a relationship that is on-line or distance.

I certainly don't blame you for having questions, concerns or doubts. It's very hard to have a decent relationship with someone in another country, even if they are 100% honest with you and don't even suffer you lies of omission.

The concern with that is in reference to what Dr. Pipes blogged about above the comments section: You get married, go over there and you are expected to be second or third fiddle to another wife (s). You are expected to stay at home, raise the kids, do kitchen chores and you are not allowed to see any of your male friends.

A lot of times, the man will tell you you don't have to convert, but once you are married and over there--both he and the family may pressure you do so and the real intetions will be revealed.

If you move the USA and he bolts on you, you could still be finanically responsible for him for up to 10 years. And believe me, men and women from all over the globe do this to Americans. A man in Idaho who married a Russian girl from abroad had this happen to him. He went out of his way to help her by finding connections in the local Russian community but once she stayed long enough to learn good English and get a drivers liscence, she was gone.

Remember, marriage is also a binding legal contract, and once he has you in that, he knows the chances of you leaving are much slimmer.

Second, it's not as simple as it sounds. Immigration to another country, particulary the USA, is long process. The immigration officials here are wary of drug carterls, terrorists, human traffickers and copyright piracy. They can help you answer specific questions about procedure, but under no circumstances should you expect them to discern whether your relationship is good, bad or a scam.

As far as Algerian customs goes, just keep in mind that Third World authorities can be subject to bribery. As you are probably aware, there is a lot poltiical activism going on in North Africa, and it could spread further into Algeria. This is something you'll want to consider for both you and your son.

In reference to all the "horrible" things written about Muslim men, let me just say that I have no reason doubt that most of the testimonies on here about things going awry. That does not mean all Muslim men are bad, and the pattern here is not Islam. It may seem like that to the naked eye, but the issues come mostly from scamming and lying, which with on-line and/or distance relationships is well documented to be problematic.

I'm sure that I don't have to tell you how men can be, but it's men from all four corners of the globe. I've previously pointed out here on that the reason why so many women on here do go to the ends of the earth to find a man is because the men in their country or community---well, they've given up on. Some have gone through painful divorces, others have been living with their partner for 8-15 years who would still not commit.

You don't say much about it, but I would surmise that something similar happen with you?

So most of the testimonies are in fact truth. Maybe not exact in the details, but bad things do happen.

Does that give someone the right to say all X,Y,Z men are bad?

No, but a lot of women on here have been hurt and are venting their frustration, and I'm mostly focused on giving counsel on how to get back to reality and to prevent scandal.

I'm sure a lot of this isn't what you wanted to hear, and I do sympathize with your situation. I hope what I have to say does help.

---

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".