SHEILA ? He was writing to Annie AUG 15th2008

Submitted by ADVICE TO WOMEN ABOUT MUSLIM MEN (Morocco), Dec 8, 2011 at 02:25

Submitted by Sheila Finnegan (United States), Dec 6, 2011 at 02:06

why would u say that.. I am separated 3 years now and my husband did not try to kill me but he did want control and never got it from me

Annie, you must leave this instant! This is a marriage for a greencard, and to get your money.

Reader comment on item: Advice to Non-Muslim Women against Marrying Muslim Men
in response to reader comment: can someone explain to me what this is all about?

Submitted by John Toradze (United States), Aug 15, 2008 at 15:34

This is classic Muslim male behavior. The culture is one of abuse of women. And just like abusers who are not Muslim, they are beguiling and romantically pull you in. Then they ratchet up the pressure and control your life. The goal is absolute control of you. That is what Muslim culture requires. The game, as with every abuser, is to keep you hungering for the fake love so they can crush your spirit in order to keep you under control. The goal is enslavement, not love.

In your specific case though, fundamentally it has nothing to do with Islam, Islam is just the context. Fundamentally, this man wants you for the greencard he will receive. He is also setting himself up for life so he does not need to work! (Not needing to work is the goal of Arab men.) Once he gets his greencard, and perhaps before, as he gets you under his control by slowly destroying your self-worth, he will marry a young woman. He will also bring his entire family over, and you will be expected to support the whole family and his real wife while they play and heap more and more abuse on you.

Annie! Within a matter of months, a year at the outside, you will be so emotionally devastated, so broken, you will feel worthless and be unable to fight! RUN! NOW! THIS INSTANT. DIRECTIONS FOR EXACTLY WHAT TO DO FOLLOW! If you stay, at best it will take you 5 years or more after you leave once your spirit is wrecked to recover.

You must be on your guard from this moment! Do NOT telegraph to him any of your concerns! If you die now, he inherits everything, and he gets his greencard! I went through this with a russian, and I barely escaped alive. I am not kidding! There are several methods of murder that detectives will tell you are all but impossible to prove are homicide. "Oh, ___ was depressed lately. ..." How many times have you read articles about a man or woman who detectives figure out killed their spouse, and then the police revisit previous deaths? Life isn't like the movies. Arab (and Russian) culture is brutal.

Do not so much as pack an overnight bag! You can buy everything new. Forget everything in your home, including all the sentimental knick-knacks. Maybe you can get them back, maybe not. Do not leave a note unless it is to say you have gone to stay with family. Go down to the bank, this instant. Withdraw everything from every account you have. You must leave him with nothing so he cannot come after you! Go to a different bank, deposit everything in your name only. Close all credit cards down. If you have real property, desert it, and go through legal proceedings to evict him from it. You will need to sell it anyway. If you have significant savings and you can swing it, go to Switzerland and open an account at UBS in your own name to keep his mitts off the money. Technically it is illegal to hide assets in most states, but talk to your attorney.

Then go to a women's shelter, ask them for help hiding you, because you wil need it. Let them help you to get a restraining order to prevent him from appearing at your place of work. It is imperative that this occur so that if anything happens to you, the police will have an audit trail. In your case it is simple. Sharia says you are supposed to be murdered if you leave without permission.

Inform security at your place of work of the problem, and if there isn't security, hire a private security guard yourself, and pay his salary for at least 6 months. The women's shelter should be able to help you find a divorce attorney and file paperwork, while blocking his access to your residence address. It will be safest to reside in a shared apartment with others than alone.

Go to the police department and file a report saying that you believe your husband entered into a sham marriage for a greencard. This is a felony. And have your immigration attorney (if you don't have one, get one) file paperwork stating that your husband entered into this as a sham marriage. Do not hesitate. He is absolutely lying to you, through and through! You must hit him with everything at once. You want him out of the country as soon as possible.

Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT tell him anything. Do not speak ever again to him once you walk out the door. In court, ignore him, and if he tries, find a bailiff. Go to court with your attorney.

Change your cell phone number. If possible, move to another city far away and change your name. Change your car if you can manage it. Change your hairstyle regularly and your style of clothes to make yourself harder to spot on the street. Try to spend zero time alone for the next couple of years. You are safest with several friends, preferrably big ones with lots of muscles.

Sit with your back to the wall whenever you go out anywhere so nobody can creep up on you. Make it a habit you never break. Once you are divorced the risk goes down, but since he's going to be an outraged Muslim male, it may be longer.

And Annie. Don't beat yourself up. It happens to the best of us. We are all vulnerable. the green card scam happened to me, and I am very lucky to be alive today. I am trained and spent years in the field. But we want to be loved so much that it blinds us. Great spies have been brought down by romance. It's ok. You aren't stupid. You are just a good person who trusted wrongly.

You can reach me at: john-toradze@att.net

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