FROM HABIBI TO HARAM... My story

Submitted by Ally V (Puerto Rico), Jun 10, 2014 at 03:23

I was looking to share my story but hadn't gotten the opportunity yet. This is what happened to me and I still cant believe I was this stupid. Yes, stupid

I met an Egyptian man about a year back . We met online when I sent him a friend request thinking I had just found a long lost colleague whose sole picture on the profile was a flag and some writing. When I found out it wasn't my friend I apologized and unfriended him, to which he kept writing and I just decided " what the heck? Whats one more friend?" Ohh how wrong I was.

After a few weeks we started talking thru Skype and I felt immediately drawn to his accent. It was both exotic and sexy. I cant explain it. Our conversations turned from twice a week to everyday to the point where we would spend hours a week talking. I loved the attention and couldnt wait to meet him. And I did.

We had a week together when I finally could travel to him. I stayed at a hotel and everything was blissful. Our relationship did not turn sexual as he said, "Sex before marriage is Haram". I couldn't believe my ears! "Finally, a man who can be with me and agree to a relationship without sex". Touched by his words, I tried to persuade him, but nothing happened.

When I returned back home that weekend, my friends invited me to go go the beach and so I told him i was going. He asked me if i would be covering myself. I laughed almost immediately assuming he was joking since he NEVER acted like that before. He hung up and I went. When I got back home and turned on my phone it was FLOODED with messages asking where I was and what had happened and I better have a good explanation. I explained I was out and that was it . He yelled some things in Arabic and before I could apologize he hung up and didn't speak to me for three days.

After that things took a turn for the worst. He would constantly ask where I was, with whom, what i was doing and what i was wearing. If I DARED post a picture with a man, he would lose it. I stopped going to dinner with friends from work. Stopped going to the gym. He started lecturing me on Islam and how Muslim girls are decent and pure and I needed to be like them in order to please him. I couldn't go out because if I did he would get mad and I would never hear the end of it.

I know what everybody thinks. "You could have done what you wanted he didn't live there and wouldn't know what you were doing." That's very true. But aside from the constant calls, I loved him and all I could think of was that maybe I was wrong and he was right. So I started wearing conservative clothing, closed my Facebook and was there whenever he would message me. Even at work. I did everything I could to learn about his culture ,religion last name etc. I even learned some Arabic to be able to communicate with him a bit in his native tongue.

After some digging I found out that his family was "horrified" over the fact that he would be in love with a foreigner. I asked him and he admitted it and said he never told me BECAUSE IT WASN'T IMPORTANT! His younger sister befriended me or so I thought but I later found out I was the laughingstock for her and her closest friends because a foreigner really thought she would marry his brother. Implying I was after money. One of her friends messaged me once and said "i'll marry u if u take me out of here, foreigner" and laughed.

Soon after that about 4 more male friends also messaged me with marriage and indecent proposals. I begged him to talk to his family about me and tell them who I was and where I came from and what I did for a living to prove I genuinely loved their son. But he said he would never cross his family ESPECIALLY FOR A WOMAN. That he depended on them. I couldnt believe what I was hearing . This was an accomplished 28 yr old professional who I KNOW was more than capable of earning a living to support himself. I was devastated.

I had been saving for months to travel back marry him and bring him back with me and I had just found out I was a punchline to him. Someone he could manipulate to get a visa. A "thing" he wanted to keep quiet because it would be considered Haram by his family and they would immediately disown him.

Devastated, one night I left him a message in tears saying I wasnt going to cause a feud between him and his family and that I would leave him alone because I loved him that much. And that all I wanted was his happiness. Part of me hoped for him to stop me ... But he never did. He heard the message and replied: (and I swear these were his actual words) "whatever u wish". NOTHING ELSE.

I cried for a week. And got the courage to delete him off my Facebook when I saw his wall was filled with pictures of cats and funny videos while I was barely able to get out of bed. He messaged me a few weeks ago but I refuse to talk to him because I have finally reached the point where I no longer cry when I think of him.

This story is to help those foreign girls or women who are unsure of whether or not to date an Egyptian man. My advise? Follow your instincts and brain and not your heart like I did. Always be yourself and NEVER LET A MAN MAKE YOU FEEL BAD FOR BEING YOURSELF. I am not saying all are bad. I have met MANY Arabs especially Egyptians who are very decent men, but I got one of the bad apples.

Hope this helps someone

Xoxo

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