An Arab Muslim woman can also suffer from a Muslim man - PLZ READ ALL

Submitted by Ranoosh (Australia), Sep 1, 2016 at 05:15

To all of you who think it's only western non-Muslim women living in the western hemisphere that can get scammed from these type of men, think again.

I think by mentioning my story here , I am sure I also represent lots of women in my position. I am an Arab (Egyptian) Muslim woman living in Australia since a long time - migrated with family on the basis of highly sought out professions (parents are engineers).

When I was about to graduate from University, I decided to give online dating a chance as I thought: what are my chances as a Muslim Arab girl to meet someone of a similar background here in Australia? Right? They're hard to find around here - I mean lots of good Aussie men here I am sure but they don't meet my ethno-religious background. It's a choice that I made to keep my cultural and religious background. Hah!

By the way, I am young,intelligent and beautiful - so you'd think, why would I be taken advantage of for residency? Right? - Wrong.

I met this guy online (Palestinian background) who lived in Australia on a student visa. Seemed interested (both of us). Invited him to come meet me and my dad - ( these men must meet with our family for marriage - we take it really seriously - and family could try to look for warning signs)- All seemed well - He love bombed me - messages, phone calls, texts, emails , love songs, etc..

Talked up about himself and his qualifications from Jordan (where he lived before coming here), so my father seemed to think he's a good guy and I trusted my father's initial judgement. Father started putting the conditions for marriage if the engagement goes well - Agreed upon things like the dowry amount (money gift they pay before Islamic marriage), where we'd possibly live (mortgage, etc), etc.. which he all agreed with. Got engaged for about a year and a half - Father wanted to help him out as he had no secure job yet in his profession before applying for mortgage loan- he was still studying here remember? - No , i came to find out later, that he worked in some stores and was sending money to family overseas and not really attending college to 'improve' himself. Despite that, I thought he had a hard working ethic - chose to go ahead with doing the marriage visa papers so he could avoid paying student visa fees and actually start to focus on his professional future to get married to me.

Father offered him a shop to manage out of his own (father) money - the guy didn't have much saved behind except for the marriage dowry, etc..Marriage happened - but before that I notice him, quarelling and fighting with me about the silliest of things, not saving money for moving into a house of our own, etc.had an initial unexplained credit card debt of about $11,000, . wasting my time and delaying the marriage date. All along I had a bad gut feeling , my mother told me to call immigration straight away as they could at least delay the processing--- ignored that , giving him benefit of the doubt! Please girls, listen to you gut instinct its almost always hundred percent right!

On the wedding night, I discover he had a medical condition that affected marriage consummation which he hasn't treated before the wedding while he had time and which he lied to me about! being the innocent naive virgin girl that I was, I didnt quite get it. He blamed me initially that I was 'too closed' Lol - went to a specialist, who said he had a problem that needed surgery ! - 6-9 months to heal! 6-9 months living like room mates and this was enough time to get his his permanent resident visa afterwards! Once he got it in the mail , and once he was invited to the citizenship party - he never told me, and went by himself!! Like who does this! Incredibly selfish and showed his true colours - If it wasn't for me with his average English language skills and incomplete qualifications he would not have stayed in this country! I did all his papers without an attorney and filled everything for him out of love and with the help of my background and my good family standing.

I only discovered that he got his passport later and he never told me ! - His treatment of me afterwards changed dramatically - I'd say looking back I was badly verbally and emotionally abused - He started making fun of my family, my body, my Egyptian roots! (Hah! an Arab making fun of his own Arab wife's background! ) He became so secretive about money especially. He racked up so much credit card debts, claimed the shop was not doing well - and that's why he couldnt contribute to living expenses with me while I worked, etc.. lies after lies. .. bought an Audi with a personal loan based on his shop ownership while the shop didn't do well?! huh? But he decieved me by saying he needed that car loan with extra money to help pump up the shop with more stock!... a year ends and the shop goes into recievership (took so much debt out of it and couldn't pay them), my father checks it out and finds it hardly has any stock left -- plus my husband having credit card and car debts of over $100,000 all behind my back - he relied on being a shop owner and the fact that we put his name in the title of our house (which he didn't contribute anything into the deposit) - apart from the Islamic dowry that he paid for me , we just put into it - so i didn't actually take the dowry money for me or anything.

Because his debts were so huge, they ended up becoming secured and our house was in danger (the credit cards could claim the house any moment - so whatever I paid or he paid into the house I could lose)- I had so many red flags initially that I chose to ignore one of them was - As I look back now, there was a day when I tried to oversee the finances of the shop initially during our engagement but he got upset saying we can;t having too many managers for the business , that I needed to trust him and he need not report every single thing! needless to say I should have left him then - i almost threw back my engagement ring at his face then - but he returned acting all innocent and sorry - but sure enough he stayed, got what he wanted later - citizenship, money (which a lot of it was sent oversees), etc.. and ... after all his lies about his medical condition and the failed sex life that I had ( which was on and off after the operation due to his lingering erection problems) - he blamed his debts on me and started asking me to pay for his debts and /or pay all the house bills - To which I said I can't , since he never showed where all the debt went. He started to request that I sell my gold for him - started making up arguments and getting nasty --- by then he realised he has used me up - got what he wanted - and asked to divorce me after a fight when I stood up and said I can't pay his debt - he'll need to work for it - as I am already paying for my car and half the mortgage while he blew it all on an expensive car, brand name shirts, lots of perfumes, expensive watches, etcc... all while lying to me and hiding the purchases sending them to different addresses so i don't see them when they arrive.

I am very lucky his debts did not ruin me completely - It ended at the right time financially for me!! - I informed my family who stood by me - family forced him to sign power of attorney immediately as he started arguments and fights and pushing me to end the marriage myself so he could avoid paying a sum of money required by Islam when a Muslim man decides to divorce his woman as a compensation for him leaving her. - He was trying to force me to dump him to avoid paying that, but unluckily for him , i 'absorbed' his abuse and didn't ask for a divorce then - haha!! I still actually loved him!! but he didn't and he wanted out ASAP when things got tough - and when he started getting a taxi driver job that didn't pay him enough money!

House was all sold luckily - but the emotional pain I am currently living with is too bad - after realising I sponsored a person to come here for a passport, a free ride to life and after all that - it was all fake to him - he didn't love me - the minute I refused to pay - he decided to 'discard' me - a complete narcissstic psychopath - He also lied before the divorce saying the employment conditions were bad in Australia and that's why he'd like to go back to Jordan! Hah! - Guess what a liar he is ! He is still here in Australia - filed for bankruptcy and is actually a burden on social welfare, getting paid to sit on his a** - excuse my language for 'depression and anxiety' - playing 'poor me' victim. And he still actually owes my father about $20,000 AUD as part of the business loan given to him (the shop) and thousands that were never paid back to the credit cards.

Worst mistake of my life - Worst 4.5 years wastage of my precious life.

if you wondered how I came to know, that he sent money overseas, I made a fake facebook profile to speak to him as he blocked my original real account after divorce ofcourse. He confessed to my 'fake' profile , that he sent money to his family - and that me and my family were greedy! haha (greedy to ask for where our money went!) and that he never actually loved me ( my heart sank when I read this line)- I thought of jumping out of the screen to say thanks you scumbag! - but I thought what was the point now?!- I knew who he wasnow -I slept with a person for almost 3 years - with such malicious, deceptive intentions!

In my Islamic culture, I'd be considered by some (although things have changed a bit) that I am divorced therefore 'damaged goods' so my chances for marriage would be reduced a bit compared to a girl who is never married- I am not as confident and bubbly as I used to be - I had to pray day and night as I got severely depressed , crying for nights -- at the betrayal I faced- I would not wish this on my enemy!

I am seriously considering marrying a non-muslim man even if it's not allowed in Islam. He made me lose faith in our Muslim men. - and to all of you non-muslim women out there, I don't blame ya! And please- like many have mentioned here - if some of these men can treat their own women (eg: me) like that, how do you expect they could treat you? You're simply just 'infidel's - aka - not worthy enough - Me, being a virgin Muslim intelligent beautiful woman, did not save me! I was used.

I had nothing wrong with me - in fact I had lots of good things as I mentioned earlier - perhaps it was my bad luck - but at the end I am psychologically and mentally damaged out of this - trying to move on and heal myself . if you could avoid online dating altogether, please do.

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