Sounds familiar,Ladies?

Submitted by Lana(USA) (United States), May 15, 2017 at 19:31

Hello everyone

I just came across this article and think that it will be very helpful to share here for better understanding of how some of us were manipulated.(I was):

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From Your Quora Digest ·
Narcissism
How do you feel as narcisstic supply?
Bob Bobby
Bob Bobby
Answered May 6

You feel absolutely amazing at first. They come in showering you with affection and love (love bombing). They do everything they can to make their first impression be "perfect girlfriend" (or boyfriend). They have the same likes as you, you do the same stuff together, and you feel like you have somehow become a God because you have found the perfect person you have been wanting your entire life. They start talking about marriage quickly, kids, and a happily ever after. You think it's too early, but you disregard that because they are just perfect in every way. Granted, some minor red flags, but you ignore because what they provide is much better than worrying about some minor issues.

You reach the top of your pedestal, raise your arms and let out a roar. They hear it. Then comes the devaluation.

It may be an event, an anniversary of some type for them, something that reminds them of something, or they feel like they have complete control over you. They want you to meow like a cat, and you do. They want you to do stuff, and you do. They now have complete control because you're still in the love-bombing phase while they have begun to devalue you.

Now, everything they once loved about you becomes things they seem to hate. They used to love bombarding you with text messages every 5 minutes. It didn't matter if you were with your family, they wanted full attention, but they were perfect so you gave it to them. All we ever do is all we ever knew, so we start bombarding them with text messages because that's what they wanted, but suddenly just switched.

You start realizing that no matter what you do, even if it's save a family from a burning house, you somehow deserve criticism from the narcissist. Sure you saved the family, but you didn't save the house, so you aren't good enough. You start wondering what you did so wrong in the relationship to deserve this sudden switch. What did I do to hurt them? What's wrong with me? It must have been something *I* did. After all, I was once a God to this person. They LOVE me. *I* must have done something wrong.

So you start changing things, start sucking up to their demands and wants, without giving a shit about your own well being. After all, once you save your relationship and go back to how things were in the beginning, everything will magically get better! All your anxiety and depression will be gone because the source of those problems was destroyed. So you dig yourself deeper in a hole trying to find that person you fell in love with.

Meanwhile, the narcissist starts using their other supply sources. You're still "in a relationship" (although extremely toxic). You go out with a group of friends and they put on their charm. See? They still do exist! Then you start threatening their need to be the center of attention by adding your input. Their friends (other supply) laugh at a joke you make, but your narcissist girlfriend just rolls her eyes and makes a snark comment, even if they thought your joke was funny. They then revert to being the center of attention and "love bomb" their supply sources, even those they have no intentions of switching that supply into a romantic supply. They start telling them how much she loves them and charms them up to where they think the Narc is, well, what you thought in the beginning. This then makes you jealous, because no matter what the other sources do, they get praise. No matter what you do, you get treated like a peasant that didn't harvest enough wheat.

Eventually you have enough of the abuse. You're in the pits and start realizing it may be better to leave the relationship rather than chase the person they once were (but never actually was). But you're a decent human being so you try to communicate with your narc. But they aren't ready to discard you. They still want you around because despite the devalue, you still have SOME supply left, or they haven't found a new romantic source. So they manipulate you further. They say things that make you feel guilty if you left. "You're the only person keeping my feet on the ground". "You are such a sweetheart". Finally words you've spent ages wanting to hear. Maybe this is the turn-around! So you don't leave, you stay. That false self they projected at the beginning has come back! But... not for long. Not long at all. Sometimes only an hour. Sometimes only those sentences. So you take the abuse. You start thinking of leaving, but you still hold onto the hopes of that false self actually existing (it's much worse when you know nothing of narcissism, which a lot of people don't, and most that do know about it, are because they experienced the abuse).

Then you either run for your life. They realize you are gone. Well, not you. Your supply. What you provided for THEM is gone. They can't live without that, so they come chasing you down and try to suck you back into the mess.

OR

You try so hard and hard to make that false self come back. You know deep down thats who they really are! Or at least, thats what you mind thinks since you've been manipulated so often. Then they discard you like it doesn't matter. They just toss you off to the side and leave you to die. It doesn't matter how terrible you feel. They may even apologize, but with nothing behind it but wanting to slip the mask back on. They don't care, as long as they have supply, and you have been drained.

You suffer for awhile, wondering what in gods name you did so badly to deserve this hatred. This pain. The abuse. What did you do? Sometimes you latch onto an event that may have caused the devalue phase to start. If I wasn't so needy while in the hospital after a serious surgery. If only I didn't ask so much in MY time of pain. If maybe I didn't trigger a bad memory of theirs, despite never knowing anything about that memory. If I had only...

Then you try to reach out to mutual friends. But they are friends no more. You see, your ex was a charming, sweet, innocent person. They aren't this terrible demon that ripped your heart out and laughed about it. Hell no! They are just some sweet, innocent person that had a troubled past! How DARE you make them cry? How dare you! Oh the good old flying monkeys. The ones that your narc has manipulated into being against you. Triangulated people so that THEY are the victim and you are a terrible person. It's your fault the relationship failed! The narc said so while crying and "devastated". YOU ARE AT FAULT.

Now you've lost everyone. Everyone now hates you to add insult to injury. Your narcissist is a master at manipulation. It's in their blood. No matter what you say. Not matter how much YOU cry. Even if they witnessed your narc abusing you, they won't believe it. They are manipulated up the ass and can't see straight. They will believe the Narcs story. They are the victim, you are the abuser.

Then you come here online, searching for answers. You learn of narcissism. You learn that what you are dealing with (emotional abuse. Narcissistic abuse is a slang term for this sort of emotional abuse, but it is emotional abuse). You finally realize that you were not to blame at all. You were perfect, and did everything right. They are the ones with problems. You breath a sigh of relief. You aren't f**ked up after all. You realize that although the person you loved may be "back" but with someone else, you know they are going to suffer the same consequences. It's bitter sweet. You're an empathetic person, which is why you attracted the narcissist in the first place. You want to save that future victim, but you know there is nothing you can do. But you also know that they may be eating the cake now, but eventually the gigantic shit is coming for them as well.

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Now you've been warned.)))
Love and happy Summer ahead to all!!!!!!!
Lana

Its worse when you know what caused the devaluation phase, despite knowing you couldn't have prevented that. You also start wondering if they really are an NPD or not, after all most don't get diagnosed because they have no idea they are a narcissist and don't think they are the problem, everyone else is. They were raised in a certain way that made them become a narcissist. When we're young, and being raised, it's when we learn everything, especially what creates our personality and behavior. They simply do not know what it's like to be a normal person, thus they cannot do anything to become a normal person. Trying to raise an adult that's experienced so much is much more difficult than raising a child that's oblivious to the world.

tl;dr - it's great in the idealization phase. It's abuse in the devaluation phase. it's depression and anxiety in the discard phase. Is it worth the idealization phase? Hell no.

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