Thanks, Keira

Submitted by Robin (United States), Sep 4, 2019 at 16:07

Believe me, I will continue to come here, because sometimes the pain is overwhelming and this is the only place that helps. I just find it so hard to understand how someone could be this way - pretend to care about someone, in order to use them. The fact that I could love someone who is essentially evil, do so much for him, be intimate with him, really sickens me. To know that I misinterpreted everything, that nothing was what I thought it was, to miss his family (who I really grew to love) and know that I will never see or talk to them again. I will never know how much his family knew about what he was doing, and will wonder whether they sincerely cared about me. He used them to draw me in as well, because he knew that I didn't have a good relationship with my family and wanted to be a part of one. I would always ask about them, and he and his sister would send me photos of them - even voice messages. I had to dispose of everything that reminded me of my visits there, every souvenir, every photo, like the relationship never happened, because it was all a lie.

I wish I could stop caring, but I don't know if this will ever happen. I wish I could get some kind of explanation, an apology, anything, but I know I won't, and I damned sure won't ask. I hate that we are still married, even if it is only in Morocco. I wish he had the decency to end things properly, instead of making it my problem, like he did everything else. I really hope that he is disappointed that he basically shot himself in the foot by treating me the way he did, and I hope that he will get his (not that I will ever know). I know life isn't fair, but I'd like to think good wins out in the end. Oh well. Don't worry that you haven't been able to email me - I come here and see your posts, and everyone else gets to see them as well. I hope they help other people. And I just wish this had never happened. It feels like my soul was raped.

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