I will never let him come to my life again

Submitted by Tasmia (United Kingdom), Sep 19, 2019 at 05:02

I was a young girl of 23 when I first met him. I was already at my second work experience abroad. I was an independent girl, I loved to travel, to make news experiences, I left my parents' house a week after my 18 years and I since then I never stopped moving, I was planning a long solo trip in Asia, I was self confident, I was considered strange by many for my resourcefulness, often looked at with admiration for my strength, or what seemed to be my strength, for my non-fear of change, my non-fear of being alone.

I am 25 now and I became the ugliest version of myself. I never thought I could go down so low, I don't know where I lost myself and I don't know where I can find myself again. I just want to be the type of woman that I was before I met him ...

Our story has passed several stages, break ups as well as different countries. He is a refugee, me a European woman who thought, like every time it happens, that this type of stuff always came to the others. He is waiting for refugee status in another European country, and I came to the same country 2 weeks ago following what I thought was our plan, but is nothing more than the fake fairy tale love story they always make you believe. He asked me to come and I did it, so I found a job before I came in a city 4 hours by car far from him, I bought the ticket, left everything behind and here I came. At least it is not his same city.

I changed my life, my plans, I spent money for came here and I did this only for him. Stupid. And the funniest stuff is that I knew this forum already from months. I read your stories and while I did it I thought that all that stories was talking about him. But even knowing this I stayed. How pathetic and sick is all this?

His little theater has fallen now and I found myself another time in a different country starting from 0 .. and it's ok, I can do this.

I still don't know what he was expecting from me, I still don't know which one was his plan, probably I will never know. For sure I will never know, because every answer he can give me it will be nothing more than other lies.

You all are correct when you say that these men are toxic, are rats, sociopaths, evils ... Most of yours stories are way worse than mine and if you are passing all this shit and still grasping you should be proud of you because you are all very strong.

The best thing that I can do now, besides doing an introspection job on myself trying to understand why I chose to believe and continue this relationship even knowing what it was all about, is doing like a heroin addict when is trying to heal from his drug ... cold turkey, no contact at all.

This forum could be my medicine, may I will find relief in reading your posts, and in advising other women who will find themself to deal with these heartless people.

I just hope this whole story has really taught me something, and that I will never have second thoughts and never look back... I would be so stupid, and deserve everything he did and would do to me if I do so.

Forgive me for the length of the post and for any errors that I made, as I am not a native English speaker.

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