Tough call

Submitted by K (United States), Apr 25, 2020 at 01:47

Hi Brian.

I realise several months have passed since you commented here, and I hope both you and your lady friend and your families are in good health.

Sounds like you have a real connection, and that's rare and special enough not to put aside lightly. My own family's advice to me has been not to marry a woman who already has children unless you're sure their father is out of the picture.

Pray to God for wisdom and guidance. Go someplace quiet and clear your head. Take a short jog followed by a longer, more sedately paced stroll in a place far enough away from your daily route not to blend into the background of daily life. Get some fresh air. Be sure to follow social distancing guidelines. Open your heart, be patient for the answer, and be ready to listen. A gut feeling isn't always enough to go on. If you still feel after the walk like there's pressure in your head or tension in your heart, don't make life decisions until it clears up. Stretch a few times outside during the cool of the day, not during the part where it's hot enough to boil an egg on pavement. Don't flirt with other women or compare them to her while considering your future with her.

Interfaith marriages always have the potential for that to turn into an added source of friction even without misgivings about the other spouse's faith as specific as the ones you bring up. Have you at least asked her what her experience with Christ has been? That doesn't mean you have to ask her to convert right away, or at all if she tells you the subject makes her uncomfortable.
Christ came all the way to earth for us, so of anyone in Christianity is important to become comfortable with, it's him. Going to mosque probably feels like a piece of home for someone who grew up with it. For your part, then, inviting her to get to know your faith better isn't that different from inviting her to get to know your family, and you, more and better as a whole person. It's part of your community, and an important part of you. If she's willing to turn that down, then you know it wasn't meant to be, and as long as you were gentle, respectful, humble, and kind, you don't have to have any regrets.
It's probably better not to marry someone 'unequally yoked' than to marry then divorce later.

In short, if you're sure she's not already married, go ahead and introduce her, gradually if that seems best. Make sure she understands the point of church isn't to turn people away, but to offer guidance, support, and a welcome home. None of us is perfect or whole on our own. Let her know you are there for her.

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