I am at peace with the mysteries of this world

Submitted by Laura (United States), Jun 30, 2006 at 19:20

Hi, Celina. Thank you for your sympathy about what happened to me when I was younger. I'm a rather sensitive person--although I've developed a "thicker skin" as I've grown older--and so I was hurt by that kind of treatment at the time. But I'm okay with what happened now, because I've met many people since then, and so I have a broader perspective on human behavior in general. And I've developed a core sense of self that is secure. That helps a lot.

I'm glad you asked me questions, and since this is the only forum in which I am able to respond to you, then I will do it. You asked me about what assurance I have about what happens when I die; you also wondered what I do when bad things happen or when they go well. It's not hard to answer those questions, because the simple truth is that I don't have any answers. You said there is no certainty in works alone. That is a very Christian viewpoint, and it is one that I do not share simply because, as I just said, I don't know what will happen when I die. I don't know if there is an afterlife or not. So, there is no certainty, period.

One definition of agnosticism, the one that I prescribe to, is that we human beings are unable to know for sure what happens to us after we're dead. We are unable to know for sure if there is a God. We are unable to know for sure how we were created or if the Torah or Bible or Koran is the literal word of God. But we do not rule anything out. We feel the need to neither prove nor disprove the claims made by any of the world's religions because we believe that there is no way to do so. (If someone out there can refine my definition of agnosticism, I would be very appreciative.)

So, when bad things happen, or when good things happen, I conclude that I do not know why they happen. They just do. It is a reality of life on this earth. When bad things happen, I ask myself, what can I do differently in a similar situation in the future? And I learn from the experience. When things go well, I am appreciative and I try to live each moment to the fullest. What does life mean? I don' t know, but I find meaning in the interactions I have with people each day. My focus in life is this, Celina: I feel that I go beyond myself when I connect with another person, when I make his or her life better, and especially when I better and improve myself. That is my spirituality, along with a continual search for what is true in this world. And it is very hard to determine, exactly, what is true. But I am commited to doing so, step by step--although I will, in the end, know very little.

I think that many people turn to one particular religion--or they remain in the one they were raised in--because they want the "answers." (They also want a sense of belonging--don't we all? And if you were raised in a particular religion, you might be fearful about what will happen to you if you leave it.) They want to convince themselves that they know what will happen when they die, that they know why good and bad things happen, that they know how, exactly, they should live their lives down to the very last detail. And I respect each person's right to believe what they want, as long as it leads to them being good toward others, even those who do not share their beliefs.

There is a very interesting book that came out recently. It was written by Karen Armstrong, a well-known religious scholar and former nun who has written a variety of books, including one on the history of Islam and one entitled The History of God. Her new book is called The Great Transformation and it is about the origins of our religious traditions. She focuses on a time period in history called the Axial Age--the time of Socrates, Confucius, and the origins of Judaism. Her main thesis in the book is that the religions that we have today were not developed to give us all of the answers. They were developed to help us be kind and considerate toward others, to move beyond our egos, to better the world and make it more peaceful, and to get us to ASK those big questions such as, why are we here, what is the meaning of life, what happens to us when we die. I do not want to go into the details of what she is saying because the book explains everything. But I am simply saying that maybe we shouldn't try to have all the answers, because maybe we just aren't meant to.

Honestly, Celina, I sometimes wish that I could just give up my uncertainties and be a part of a particular religion. How nice it would be to be a part of a community of people where we would have such a powerful thing in common! But I find that I cannot make such a commitment simply because I find that there is no way that I can decide in my heart which religion, if any, provides the "correct" answers. And recently, I have achieved a sense of peace about the whole matter in that I have decided that I will never really have the answers because it is impossible. That does not mean that I am not open to new information. It may be that some future event in my life might change my perspective. But most days I am content to accept that there are mysteries in life, and that's okay. And most days I believe that there is something more powerful than myself that created this world and the life on it, but this "God" is a cloudy mystery to me. But it also humbles me because I realize I know so little.

I appreciate the fact that you do not try to refute another person's beliefs. That's great, and the truth is that we really can't change another person's beliefs. He or she has to go on his or her own journey in life and make his or her own decisions. We only have control over ourselves.

To answer your questions about hope and about what I do when things are difficult....I find hope in the strong relationships that I do have in my life--especially with my mom and one of my close friends. My relationship with my husband is getting there! I find hope in the positive connections I make with children. I find hope in the things I learn about myself and about the world and life and I find hope in knowing that I can continue to learn. And when times are hard for me, I turn to people who have been mentors for me, especially my mom. And I read books of different viewpoints, or I search the internet for thoughts from people. And I try to look back over my own experiences for guidance. And I feel at peace with that.

Celina, it is kind of you to pray for me to become a Christian. The truth is, I have already opened a Bible. I find interesting stories that can teach me how to be a better person. I find the teachings of Jesus, who was, and is, inspirational to many people. But I do not find the literal word of God, and it is extremely likely that I never will.

Take care,

Laura

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