What does it mean to raise Muslim children?

Submitted by SM (United States), Aug 21, 2006 at 17:54

I am in love with a Pakistani Muslim man who came to the US when he was 7 years old. I am an unconvential spiritual not religious independent Indian woman and was raised to accept different faiths with out prejudice. On the surface he seems liberal as he is Americanized in his behaviour and social habits, ie: he goes to bars, drinks, smokes, does not pray or go to the mosque but he does not eat pork. He has asked me not to eat pork with him which I agreed to. His parents want to convert me so I can teach Islam to the kids, but he doesn't want me to convert as he knows that I will not practise or abide by Islam and he is ok with it.

Initially I thought from his social exterior that he is liberal, but I noticed that he used to get jealous easily and was suspicious and not trusting. After 1 year and 8 months he now says he trusts me but will still question me if I don't answer his calls. He insists on raising Muslim kids & when I asked him what does he mean by raising Muslim kids since he is not religious, neither am I, he said all he wants is for our kids to learn prayers and Koran from a moderate imam, I was fine with that.

Then he says we can not drink alcohol in front of the kids. This I was opposed to, I don't drink much but I do not want to teach my kids double standards, they should know moderation and not lie to me. In his family his sisters and he all drink and smoke and lie to the parents who think they are so innocent. They have double lives and I don't want my kids to lie to me. He agreed to my condition that if he wants to be with me it is ok for us to drink occassionally a glass of wine socially.

After further probing he admits to me that to over compensate for me not being Muslim he plans to take the kids for weekly Jumma Friday prayers. This really upset me, as I will be shunned by his family and community for not being Muslim now I'll feel more isolated when he takes the kids without me. I expressed to him that I am willing to go with him and kids on special occassions to the mosque since we should be together as a family, but I will not go every Friday and nor should he take the kids without me as I feel further isolated. I told him my main concern is that after kids he will become more religious and strict which is not what I want. He snapped and told me we have too many differences and this will not work.

Am I being unreasonable? Should I let him go? What is the middle ground? I am so scared of the possibility thaht he will become more religious and strict after kids. Please give me your perspective.

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