American woman engaged to Turkish man

Submitted by irene (United States), Aug 27, 2006 at 11:31

After being in a relationship with a Turkish man, we are both older in our 40s with grown children in early 20's and had our own homes living in Arizona. We became engaged two years ago but that was a mistake.

It turns out that when I needed a temporary hand from my fiancee of $500 this very well off man said, " i can't, all my money has to go to help my mother and my sister and son." So engagment meant travel once a year and escort to company functions and not caring at all about the fiancee which is very strange. So before you decide that they have western ideas, realize that if you are not the mother of their children you are less than a mistress and just someone to hang out with and the engagement ring is supposed to shut you up!

Even though i have a good job after 7 years i asked him for a quick hand and he felt that this would impair his ability to dedicate his life to his gene pool. They don't know about love only genes and obligation, which is fine if you are the mother of his spoiled children that could have turned out quite independent like mine but instead are so self absorbed and allowed to go on for hours about themselves as if they are little princesses and princes. It is just something that you might notice and think nothing about when you meet a European style Turk and think oh that is not my issue, but if you want the man to care about you like we think of caring in USA they can't do it. They dedicate their entire life to their gene pool and you feel very misled in the meaning of engagement. Their stubborness is very odd also, it doesn't seem rational. it hurt me very much to be taken on a ride by a liar. but he doesn't care really about you, only himself and is ready to kill you if you forget to take your shoes off before entering the house. if you got hurt, he would abandon you so be very very careful of assuming western values in turkish men that seem very nice until something happens that proves that they will use you and never accept you unless you are the mother of their children since you will somehow dilute their legacy even with a prenup, they will not do anything for you unless they are getting something out of it, a travel companion or escort to boring family functions.

Listen to your gut, they will beg you to stay but as soon as they feel it is too complicated, they are not honest and when they say trust me, they will later find an excuse about dedicating their life to their mother! If you love your mother and sister and son, does it mean you cannot love a woman?

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