Fascinating insight into male-female friendship in Turkey

Submitted by Picklzz (United States), Nov 4, 2006 at 14:39

Your comments on the lack of an "institution" of male-female friendship in Turkey really hit home for me. I was born and live in the States and recently asked a Turkish woman who is studying in the States out. Not knowing about cultural taboos, the response was a bewildering simple "I'm busy"---even though I've participated in numerous group get togethers with this person previously.

In retrospect whenever I've talked with this woman in the past, an extreme tension appears in the conversation whenever the discussion suggests or might lead to a one-on-one situation. For example, the question upon leaving a building together, "what direction are you going?" creates a very tangible chill. Of course, were I talking with an American girl, this sort of reaction would imply, "you're a creep, stay away from me". However, given that I never get that reaction from American girls that I ask out, I was confused until I did some research on Turkish customs.

The discussion here about dating Muslim males does not exactly translate to attempting to date Muslim females when you are non-Muslim. I now know that the Koran is a little more "protective" of Muslim women than it is of Muslim men when it come to dating/marriage outside the faith. It's funny, despite Turkey's commitment to secularism, there are distinct vestiges of it throughout Turkish culture. Granted, it's nothing like what you find in Saudi Arabia, Iraq, ... But this naive westerner didn't have a clue.

Any suggestions on what I should do next to get closer to my Turkish woman friend?

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