Confused

Submitted by Ivis (United States), Nov 27, 2006 at 11:30

Hi,

I am paying a very high price for my mistake, I hope don't make any others, at least I am always trying to be a better person every day, I also trying to understand more his culture and religion (he is Muslim), but I am confused, seem even in his religion he also has some responsibilities with me that he is ignoring. I found these fundamentals of a happy marriage are no different of my religion (Christian). So how does he insist he is not doing anything wrong? He is supposed to live with me and provide for our home. Please if any Muslim could explain to me if he really is not doing anything wrong?

Fundamentals of a happy marriage:

Forgiving: When the Prophet Muhammad asked his Companions ‘do you wish that Allah should forgive you' they said, of course O Prophet of Allah. He responded, ‘then forgive each other'.
One of the main components of a happy marriage is that the spouses are able to forgive, that they do not hold grudges or act judgmental towards each other. It is expected that when we live with someone, situations may arise when we end up saying or doing things that hurt our spouses. The challenge is not to dwell on it or lay blame but to move past it. This can only happen if we are not too proud to ask for forgiveness and we are not stingy to forgive.

If we expect Allah to forgive us than we must learn to forgive.

Forget: When we constantly remind our spouses of all the times they let us down or hurt us we have not truly forgiven. Things that happened in the past must be left there and not be used as fresh ammunition in new situations. Couples who use this technique usually fall in a rut and become victims of their own pettiness, unable to break free

Forbearance: Sabr (patience) is the most useful tool to have in managing a healthy lifestyle. Being patient and forbearing puts us in a proactive frame of mind it brings us closer to Allah through Tawakul and reliance .We develop an inner mechanism that empowers us to handle life's difficult moments. As Allah states in Surah al-Asr: "Surely by time humans are at loss, except those who believe and do righteous deeds and counsel each other to the truth and counsel each other to Sabr' (Quran, chapter 103).
Flexible: Many couples unnecessarily make themselves miserable because they are unwilling to bend a little. We should not expect our spouses to be our extensions. They are their own selves with personalities, likes and dislikes.
Faithful: It is commanded by Allah that we be faithful to our spouses. Adultery is a capital crime in Islam that is punishable by death.
Fair: Usually when we are angry or displeased the tendency is to not play fair. We try to convince ourselves that since we have been wronged it is okay to be unjust in our behavior and our statements. Allah states in the Quran do not be unjust under any circumstances, even if they be your enemy, and here we are talking about our life partners and the parent of our children. To use words such as "never" and "always" when describing the behavior of the partner is unfair and puts the other on the defensive.

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