worry that he is not strict actually

Submitted by Jeannie (United Kingdom), Dec 12, 2006 at 06:46

I have just come across this site and a lot of women seem to be very confused. If a "moslem" is described as not strict, or not praying 5 times a day and being western and modern, believe me THIS is a warning sign, not a good thing.

Just think about it for a minute. These are confused and insincere men. True Moslem men who are sincere and follow their religion as they should - which includes respecting women, cherishing their wife and so many guidelines and rules as to how to be fair and loving to their wives - would not be dating women or going to clubs!! Those that do have lost the plot a little and do not know who they are. They may pull themselves together and end up ok in years to come and decide whether they want to follow a western or Islamic lifestyle, but on the other hand they may not and then what happens is they try and over-compensate by mis-interpreting Islam and abusing the religion and hence the woman they are involved in.

I am a Moslem woman and women have many, many, rights in Islam. The problem is that most of them don't realise it. Non-Moslem women are often at the mercy of their partners/husbands who stem from Moslem countries but themselves don't know their religion. The women then believe everything their man tells them about Islam. If you really love a man who is from a Moslem background the best thing you can do is start reading sensible books by Moslem scholars about Islam in general and about women in Islam to make up your own mind. This would be preferable to do alongside your man, as he too, probably has a knowledge gap. This means that in the future when he turns around and tells you to do something you don't feel comfortable with you can check the literature.

In Islam, marriage is a very public affair and not something that should be carried out sneakily and in secret. He should not keep details of his bride-to-be from his family. That is another warning sign. Polygamy in Islam is not commonplace and has strict regulations/situations to which it applies, but if you read up on this you will understand. It is most definitely not carte blanche for men to have more than one wife!

Most men are unable to fulfill the stringent conditions required, so in fact according to Islamic law should not have more than one wife. Finally, just to end by saying that if a man truly follows Islamic guidelines on how to be a husband - this would be most women's dream of a marriage. The guidelines even cover how to satisfy your wife sexually and such things - women have so many rights that non-Moslem women can only dream of. Also in Islam any income a woman receives is hers and she need not share it with her husband. On the other hand a husband must share his income with his wife and provide for her.

What you have to do is separate CULTURE from ISLAM and ensure that men don't excuse culturally unacceptable or just unacceptable behaviour by labelling it Islam and hoping that their unsuspecting girlfriend/wife buys it. PS. Specifically to the girl dating a man from Saudi -please be aware that as a Moslem woman I would be very wary of this situation. I have worked in Saudi Arabia and the form of Islam that is practised there is stricter and more narrow-minded than any other form of the religion. It is also frowned upon and disliked by many other Moslems for many reasons. Very often men from such backgrounds enjoy a few years abroad, which include dating girls.

I personally, as a practising Moslem even, would never return to Saudi Arabia. I felt restricted as a woman and as a Moslem woman. Yes, if you married, separated and he took the kids there, I cannot see how you would even visit them there as visa requirements are very strict. There was no way I could argue my rights there. But this is what I meant about CULTURE - what I experienced there is a CULTURE, not ISLAM!!!

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