Heartbroken for a life w/ my Muslim(Lebanese) Boyfriend

Submitted by Sabrina (United States), Jan 14, 2007 at 23:02

I met my muslim boyfriend 4 years ago when he was not practicing his religion. I was 18, he 23...he drank, partied etc..But in meeting me he started to get out of that scene all together..He says I helped with that since I am a good girl who doesnt drink or date around like most young american women.

Anyway, we began dating, he prayed every now and then. Fasted each Ramadan. His family is very religious and I always frigured he would get into his religion heavily and that never scared me. I am Christian, Who happens to question the truth behind Christianity, The Bible, the way of life..The Quran says he can marry me, but he is scared for his kids' future being raised by a christian mom (since I would be spending most of the time with them).

He has always said I am more of a muslim than most muslim women out there..he's very repectful of me and wants to get married but cant get the thought of religion and kids out of his mind. I dont blame him..its important. He keeps saying if he didn't want kids he'd marry me tomorrow..he's just scared of how his kids will turn out. Even though he knows Im the most pure person he's ever known. I question the faith he has in me and wonder why if i'm so good..i fall too short.

He told me recently he was going to Lebanon where he was born, to meet girls to be the mother of his kids..his wife. I was devasted. He came back and said he met a girl who most reminded him of me. She's 9 years younger than him..We are both so in love, but I feel in his heart he has to go through with this experience to see if this is his path. Even though God led us together. We have the most powerful connection. That's what's so hard.

Anyway, as of now he pushed me out of his life to pursue this experience..he has been firm on telling me i'm not the one..and he's also been wishy washy..saying he's not sure. I'm confused and scared of losing him. This is devestating for me..and i'm sure for him, even though I dont see him or speak to him anymore..

I cant hold a friendship with the man who's been my life..knowing he's sharing it with another! he knows I cant be friends with him. and that hurts him b.c we're best friends. I love Islam. It's a complete way of life that I've always mimicked..who's to say that as nature takes it's course with me, I wont be led to Islam..? Either way, I'm so hurt. he is my life and I'm his..I pray for guidance and the straight path to be shown to me, but i'm running on empty. It feels like I'm mourning him..Anyone in the same boat?

SA

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