I AM NOT A HORSE TO BE TAMED!!!

Submitted by Danna (United States), Jan 24, 2007 at 18:56

Hello,

I have been married to my Muslim husband for 6 years now, and ever since May of 2003 he is always complaining he is not happy. He says if I would leave him alone more, he would pay more attention to me. He says that he is tired of me being outspoken and causing problems everywhere I go. I don't cause problems, he disrespects me and I stick up for myself and what I believe in.

If we are talking and my opinion differs from his, he is very rude and starts screaming (you don't know what you are talking about)!! I come from a very stable family and they have given me whatever I wanted all of my life and continue to do so. I am an only child and I do not like hearing "NO"!! I am stubborn,dominant, outgoing, materialistic (who isn't),fun, honest, caring etc. Everyone has good and bad points!! I love him w/all my being and I too have tried to turn a blind eye.

He wants to "hang out" all the time w/his buddies at their house, or Starbucks or whatever. In my family even when you are dating you go to work and plan your life with your mate, you don't hang out on the streets, or come home at @ 2,3,4am!! It's absurd that any woman from any country would tolerate this mentallity. He is good to me in a lot of ways. However, I cannot and will not change who I am, and I like who I am!! He has a substance abuse problem, short temper, foul mouth, etc. All the good things he does he ruins with his attitude or constantly telling me he wants to leave!! He says he loves me and always cries about it, but he can't live w/me.

He says I complain too much, that I act like his Mother, Old Lady whatever. I am 30 years old and he is 25, we both don't want children and he acts like a child. He tells me he didn't immigrate to the USA to live with his Mother!! I don't think he is the marrying kind, I don't think anyone is, you have to really be dedicated to making any relationship work. He has walked out on me 4 times and embarrased me in public, w/family etc. He is very handsome and tall and we have amazing chemistry together physically. He doesn't like to talk about anything but CNN, 90.1, our differences instead of our likes,etc. We went to Hawaii together and he always interrupts me when I am speaking. WHY!!!

He can't just sit down or SHUT UP!! This is America, and even if it was Morocco no one should have to tolerate that behavior. He makes everything seem it's my fault!! Well, if you wouldn't of said that, I wouldn't have reacted that way. He breaks things and acts crazy sometimes!! His Mother acts brainwashed too, and his brother and his friends always lie for him!! Is it a culture thing or is it bad blood!! That's not normal!! I always catch him lying to me about stupid things, he says I didn't want to upset you!!

I am tired of this emotional distress, it doesn't have to be this way and neither one of us is going to change!! I am a perfectionist, and I want a huge home, vacations, money, love, clothes, etc. He even says he couldn't co-exist w/a Moroccan woman either!! You can't do whatever you want as a man and then I am suppose to follow certain rules. I used to make fun of women like me and now I am one of them!! I feel weak, and totally dependent on him and that is not me at all!! I AM NOT A HORSE TO BE TAMED!! Either we go to counseling and he learns how to act properly and does it consistently or I am afraid we will get divorced!!

He is always saying: In my Country blah, blah, blah!! Well, for God's sake if your Country is so GREAT then go back and SHUT UP!!! I am the one who begs him to stay and cries and worries and is suffering more than him. I love him more than he loves me!! I always want to be with him and talk to him even though he treats be bad!! I must be insane to tolerate that!! I don't know what I am afraid of. I know this could work if he was as dedicated to staying as he is to leaving. He won't wear a wedding band!! Basically the things I need to see from him as far as respect isn't there. I have talked,screamed, begged etc. He wants to be worshiped and I should be a wallflower. That is not who I am, that isn't anything to even be proud of!! I hate submissive women, they make me sick!! I don't know what to do anymore, should I let him leave, should I file for Divorce?

Sincerely,

Confused

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".