To Alper, Turkish man

Submitted by An American woman (United States), Feb 7, 2007 at 16:46

Selam Alper, I just found this site today and was interested in your very informative letter. I'm hoping to get some advice from you. I am a never-married, 40-something American woman with no kids. I have several good Turkish friends here in the U.S. and spent a month in Turkey a few years ago.

Recently, I met a very nice younger Turkish man through the Internet (not a dating site) and we have written well over a hundred letters to each other so far. We also talk on the phone each weekend. Both of us appear committed to working towards a "real life" relationship. This guy went to graduate school in North America, speaks English perfectly, etc. He had only just arrived back in Turkey to prepare for his national service when we met.

I was intrigued by your comment that Turkish men want to marry virgins, and that all other women would be in the "fun" category. My fear is that you are probably 100% right. He has admitted that he hasn't told his parents or any of his friends that we are corresponding. He says that he would like us to meet in person before he makes a decision on telling anybody else about "us." I have offered to fly to Turkey next month (we're splitting expenses) so we can meet in person before his national service...

However, I have been fearing that my going there will instantly put me into the "fun" category. I am very serious about this guy, and he acts as if he is serious about me. I am by no means "loose" (haven't even dated in a few years) but neither am I a virgin.... Do you have any suggestions for proceeding in a way that will lead this man to view me as "prospective wife" material rather than "fun" material?

Thanks! An American woman

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