You really should reconsider

Submitted by Karena (United States), Feb 16, 2007 at 02:10

I was involved with an Egyptian for over two years. After knowing each other for the year, we made plans to marry. During that first year, he was sweet, attentive, loving. We talked about Islam, children, moving to Egypt, etc, etc. I made it my business to understand Islam and the truth about the religion.

Understand that Islam is a way of life; not just a religion. I lived in Egypt for a year just to understand the culture and the people. What I saw made me change my mind quickly! What lies beneath that sultry exotic culture is something you can't fathom. Please understand, there are some nice Egyptian men who are honest and kind. But, do you have any clue what a Muslim man is expected to do for his wife? How an Egyptian man especially treats his wife? Do you realize that if you have children together, your children WILL BE MUSLIM NO MATTER WHAT YOU WANT!

Interfaith marriages can work if you are willing to sacrifice and compromise, but understand you will be the one doing most of that. Islam doesn't give much latitude for such things on the part of the man. This is why my fiance and I split- he told me he would not compromise ( in the beginning, he had said that we would both make compromises, adjustments, etc, as needed to make it work, and I believed him) or sacrifice anything, but that kindness would factor into every decision he made for me. I bailed out and I am so happy that I did. I walked away from him and I have never looked back.

If you are sincere about marrying him, then he will want you to visit Egypt to meet his friends and family. Do some background check on him. Ask him to show you proof of his college degree, his National ID, etc,etc, Question his friends and family about him, Get to understand and learn about Islam and Egyptian culture. There are plenty of Egyptian men who feel justified in cheating a Kafir (infidel/unbeliever) woman out of her money or using her for a visa because they think she is a sharmouta (whore).

Your boyfriend could be married and you might not know it until it is too late. He is allowed to have up to 4 wives (under some circumstances) and he can also have Orfi wives. Orfi marriages are not legally recognized marriages in Egypt and they can absolved at any time. They are pretty much just licenses for sex within a "marriage "(not unlike mu'tah marriages). If you go to Egypt with your boyfriend, make sure you stay in a separate hotel, keep all of your own documents with you, and pay for your stuff as you go along.

However, if he is the true Egyptian man, his pride will bend under you paying for everything and he will insist on paying things for you. This is their way; to be independent and self-sufficient. But, you must learn that while Egyptian men can be responsible, sexy, and seemingly loving, they are also jealous, immature, selfish, and they are taught that they are above women and they are spoiled because they are males.

Look around in Egypt after a certain time of night, and you will find only males in the cafes because a good Muslimah is inside where she belongs. My point for you is, please go with him a long time, investigate everything that you can about Islam and Egyptian culture, and ask a lot of questions. Once you marry an Egyptian Muslim, your rights and privileges change altogether if you move to Egypt. Interfaith marriages can work and there are good Egyptian men, but many of them are gigolos and users.

My fiance never used me for anything, but I was warned he would change, and he did. I was so sure he was different from other Muslim males, but in some ways, he wasn't . A good man, but still a Muslim, I was even warned by several Muslim males to not marry him because he wasn't all that he seemed to be and that he would change. I did everything right (investigating, learning, etc) and still, he showed something I was sure he would never do. So, please take your time and consider things carefully. Also, do not convert to Islam just to please him if he asks you to. There is NO COMPULSION FOR RELIGION in Islam, and he is a liar if he says you must convert. Pick up a copy of Quran and read it. Look at Islamic websites for insight into the religion. Do not rely on your boyfriend's interpretations alone.

I am sure you will think that I am just another bitter woman spurned by a man. I wasn't bitter when he told me what he did. My ex-fiance is not a bad man; he is a good man who is better off with someone from his own background. I am happy and relieved that I learned early. And so many women think that their Muslim boyfriends/fiances/husbands are the exception, and so few truly are. Take a second look at him and maybe he is that rare gem, but still learn all that you can.~Karena

P.S. Ask him about his ideas and thoughts on other cultures, people, sex before marriage, alcohol, how does he expect you to dress after marriage, what about working after marriage, what does he expect of you if you marry, how does he feel if you have male friends, religion, does he want you to wear hijab,what about children,etc. If you are having sex with him now or if he drinks and does hashish or bango, then be wary. Some of these men will claim to be 'true muslims' while having sex out of marriage, swearing, doing drugs, etc. And these same men know very well that it is haram for them to do so, they know these things are not sanctioned nor considered Sunnah or halal. But, then again, manipulations are sometimes justified by some Shiekhs in their fatwas.

Please take care and do your homework well!!!!!!!

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".