Why did it take so long for the green card process Steph?

Submitted by Jen (United States), Feb 23, 2007 at 14:35

I know this post is a little old, but I've just now started reading them.

My husband and I had the interview for his green card within 6 months of applying for it. It's now been almost 2 years and he hasn't left yet. Or maybe enough time hasn't passed for him to do a complete 180 and turn into a monster.

As far as birthdays and holidays are concerned, we celebrate all birthdays and holidays, Christian and Muslim. This year, my husband gave me a guitar for my birthday. He also took me out to dinner and gave me a beautiful birthday card. He celebrates Christmas with me and I celebrate both Eids with him. Even though I am not Muslim, I support him when he wants to fast during Ramadan. I make sure his Iftar meal is ready and waiting for him when he gets home, and we break the fast together.

I love my husband, and love to take care of him. In return, he works hard and helps support our household in addition to my income. He does this in addition to taking care of most of the upkeep of the house, which I believe is my job, but I'm admittedly lazy about it. I'm getting better, though.

He has told me many times that his family wanted him to marry a Muslim girl, but that just because they said that doesn't mean he has to do it. If he was just using me, he would have 1) left after he got the green card, 2) not washed the dishes and done the laundry and all the other things that I didn't want to do. My husband is attractive, and could have easily found another woman.

Marriage is a lot of give and take. I put up with a lot of crap from him and he puts up with a lot from me. Rarely ever is it because of our perspective faiths. It's because he's a man and I'm a woman. I'm very independent and can be stubborn, and so can he.

For everyone else, I've seen a lot of different questions on here, and the answer boils down to . . . look at the kind of character that he has. As someone else has said, ask him flat out if you have a question about something. I will admit that they do change some once the wooing period is over, but I changed too after we got married. It's natural. From the beginning, I asserted my independence, so he knows where I stand, but I also try to allow my husband to be the head of the househould, and I try to be the kind of wife that I am called to be according to my faith. That means a wife who supports her husband in everything, as long as it doesn't go against my beliefs. Doesn't mean I have to be a doormat.

I generally don't believe that divorce should be an option, but in your case, Steph, it seems like the best choice. If you have access to the internet, perhaps a better use of your time would be to do some more research online about solutions to your problem. I'm sure they are out there. Everything in life is a choice. They may not always be easily, but you have a choice in every situation. You can either continue to complain about yours, and bring others down as well, or you can do something about it. When you choose to stay in that situation, then what ever happens is no one else's fault but yours. I'm not saying that you deserve the way he is treating you (you don't), but I'm saying that you know what you need to do, and if you don't do it, then you don't have any right to complain about it. I'm sure that there are plenty of nice people who would be willing to help in your situation, but have you really looked into it? Or is it easier for you to just sit back and bash all Muslims. I don't like it when others insult my husband, which is what you are doing by lumping them all together. But as I said, there are people who will help you, if you want it. If there's anything I can do, I will gladly help.

Jen

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