He doesn't believe in bf/gf relationships so what is he doing?

Submitted by Chiraz (United States), Mar 2, 2007 at 10:15

Just as a follow up, I have still been spending a lot of concentrated time with my Egyptian friend. We haven't been intimate and we haven't kissed, not that he hasn't asked, but he hasn't really pressured me either so I think this is good. I did mention to him that he wasn't even my boyfriend and we weren't in a serious relationship so I didn't want to become intimate. That was two weeks ago.

Now he is telling me that he wants to be honest with me by saying that he doesn't believe in bf/gf relationships because it's not the right type of relationship for people to have and it's not really a serious step. He also told me that he had a gf here before here in the States who he was living with for about 3 months and apparently she cheated on him and I guess he felt she tried to use him for money also.

He told me that if people really loved each other they should get engaged and know each other more during their period of engagement 6 mos-1 year and then get married. And I do agree with this, I think it is great. We have spent a lot of time talking about marriage, relationships, and different perspectives on these issues. However I don't know how to view all the time we have spent together, whether he has some serious intention towards me or what.

I didn't directly ask him about this but he stated that because he didn't believe in bf/gf doesn't mean he is playing. One other thing he mentioned is that although he is not living in his own country, other people from his culture that are living here will look at someone badly, as if they are sinful, if they have a gf or some type of relationship. However he is contradicting himself in saying that he doesn't believe in bf/gf when it seems like he would go for pre-marital sex if it was available. In general I am not good with reading men, but he seems to be having his own cultural and moral conflicts that he is trying to resolve, or maybe he just wants to have his cake and eat it too.

This situation does deal with some cultural issues, but at the same time it is also a reflection of the dilemma of women everywhere: Is he serious, is there any possibility that he will be serious, or just wanting to have fun? Of course no one really knows but him so I will definitely talk to him about this more but I would like to know what others think.

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