To Steph

Submitted by Happily married to a Turk (United States), Mar 3, 2007 at 17:44

I have heard you complain about material things a lot on this site. About not having things, or about your daughter not getting things on her bd. It is true that my turkish husband never lets my birthday go by without saying something, or giving me a card. There have been a few times that he gave me a gift, but something very practical.

I was once married to a millionaire. There wasn't enough room in mansion for us to live together. He was so mentally mean, not to mention physically. He would always buy me something afterwards, thinking money could make anything ok. I had a huge home, cars, jewelry, everything except whats important.

My point is...I would live in a tent with my turkish husband. I would stand by him through anything. Material objects are not important. If he never purchased another thing for me, never mentioned my birthday, anniversary or whatever, it would be ok. If we lose our house, or car...so what? He is wonderful to me on a daily basis. A house, a car, a birthday gift, none of this makes a happy marriage. I dont love him for what he can provide for me, I love him for the person he is on the inside.

I think you need to concentrate more on the important things in a marriage or life in general. If you are bitter towards him about material things, it could be that its the biggest problem in your marriage. Houses and cars are not tokens of love. When you lay down beside someone, and know you are not in this world alone, and you feel safe , thats whats important.

Note: Opinions expressed in comments are those of the authors alone and not necessarily those of Daniel Pipes. Original writing only, please. Comments are screened and in some cases edited before posting. Reasoned disagreement is welcome but not comments that are scurrilous, off-topic, commercial, disparaging religions, or otherwise inappropriate. For complete regulations, see the "Guidelines for Reader Comments".