Dating a Turkish man - would really appreciate advice from a Turkish man please

Submitted by Luci (United States), Mar 15, 2007 at 13:37

If any body could shed some insight into my "relationship" with a Turkish guy I would really appreciate it. I especially would like to hear from Turkish men. My Turkish guy has lived in the USA for over 10 years. He has a green card (its blue). He does not want to get married. He only introduced me to his cousin and will not introduce me to his friends who seem to be married to Turkish women.

He is Muslim and has stated if we ever had a child it would be Muslim, even though he does not follow his faith. He sometimes made plans with me then wouldn't show up. At first he was apologetic then he changed and said I should not be so angry - even though he "disappears" and doesn't answer his cell phone. He has "watched" me to see if I cheat. After confronting him about this he said "so what? now you break up with me?" No appologies. He thinks he is right. Yet, he won't tell me where he goes and gets annoyed with my questions. He tells me if I leave him alone and don't call maybe he will miss me. Now, that I am doing that he gets mad and said "3 days and you don't call until now! I get angry with you because of that - what are you with new boyfriend"

I love this man so much it is insane and it is driving me insane. He stopped taking me out and told me the last girlfriend he was with - they lived together for 4 years and they never went out and all his friends were her friends. After a guy showed interest in me (a guy bought me flowers) he told me to go on a "date" with this guy "don't cheat - just get to know him, maybe he better than me for you" I cried so hard. He didn't care. So I did go out with this guy - I didn't cheat just like my Turkish BF asked me I just hung out with the guy (I have never done anything like this before and I thought it was wrong - even if I did not cheat). My BF did not call me for days would not answer my calls nor call me back. I didn't want to go out with the flowerguy but my Turkish BF made me feel so hurt like he didn't care that I did it to show him up for telling me to do it (he is always telling me go ahead go for this guy or that guy if they seem interested in me - even if I am not interested in the other guys).

So after this flower guy thing and after dating for 3 months he broke up with me - I told him I didn't cheat. He said he was real surprised that I went out with the guy even if I didn't cheat. Then he said there was a lot going on and he was stressing over all of it. Things going on from his life and from my family too (because they aren't too approving of us). He told me me that he does love me but he does not want to hurt me and to stay away. Yet he calls me from time to time and wants us to remain friends.

Since he broke up with me a month ago I have not dated anyone. I am depressed. I was never interested in the flower guy so I wasn't going to date him anyway. I told flower guy sorry and basically explained why I could not date him. Turkish ex calls me from time to time and sometimes I go over to his place and spend time with him and sometimes I don't go over. Now, this week he calls and asked me why I did not come over his place yet. I said "did you ask me" He said "why do I need to ask" I said "I am very tired gone to bed early. sorry can't come over." which he said "come over now, you have refused me 6 times - I have counted - if you don't come over it is really over between us." I say " you broke up with me a month ago. Am I still your girlfriend?" He said "yes" I tell him "what is this some crazy turkish style of dating" he laughed. He knows I want to be with him. He knows I love him. I tell him to stop playing games he tells me he is not playing games. He sounds like he really believes he is not playing games.

So what the heck is he doing? I don't know what to think. I am very VERY confused. He also swears he did not ever cheat on me when we were together (though, him "disappearing" seemed like he did). I also would like to say I am heavily Catholic - I do alot of praying and a lot of Novennas (9 day prayers with the candles). He considers this "nonsense" and called me a gypsy for it and thinks its "beechgraff" which I finally translated that to mean "witchcraft" - that hurt me to hear since I believe in God and I felt like we both believe in God just in different ways. Which I can appreciate and respect our differences but he can't do the same I guess.

What does everybody else think? Thanks for the comments.

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