Thank you Diane

Submitted by Luci (United States), Mar 18, 2007 at 01:28

Diane....Wow, what a saga I have to tell. Thank you for your words......its good to hear from someone who is going through something similiar. Not that it's good what we are going through.

My (ex?)bf is cold too. In the beginning I couldn't wait to see him / hear from him. And at first he was this way with me too. But I would say within 3 weeks time he was already doing these little tests. You know, I started to wonder if that was what he was doing. All these "tests" I have been through - already. I'm exhausted! Is it worth the aggravation? Why can't these men see our worth and stop putting us through this hell?

I never cheated on my bf even when we broke up. It hurts that they are like this. He kind of did give me a little warning. He told me when we first started to go out that he tested his last serious girlfriend (that he lived with for 4 years). He said that he had his friends follow her to see if she would cheat on him. He said that after awhile he saw that he could trust her and so he did and stopped having her followed. That when she went out she was just like a man and didn't pay attention to other guys that looked at her. He also said that a woman will never cheat on him he will ALWAYS know. He has a way of knowing even before they do it. Sounds crazy right? How can that be possible. right?

Well that is at least what I thought. He tapped my phone line. When I started noticing the difference in my phone and then noticed things he said were so coincidental ........I checked out my phone and found a bug. I sound crazy don't I ?......I felt like I was / am going crazy. But I confronted him and I told him I had another phone installed his exact words "Why would you do that? So you can cheat on me?"

I asked him how another phone line could possibly give me the ability to cheat on him. He wouldn't answer me until finally I said "unless you are bugging my phone" which he was quiet then said "yea, so what you want to do now break up with me?" I told him "its wrong" He said. "Woman is the devil. you have to watch her. No woman will ever cheat on me." It is complete insanity. Why do they think like this? Who raises these guys to think like this? What I think is completely insane is that I stayed with him even though I found out about him "spying" on me.

To tell you the truth. I just don't know if I have the strength to go through all these tests. I love him so much but I am too tired to keep on going. The sad thing is I will go away from him - I will miss him - and he will go on thinking I was wrong and I cheated. I know this because I can't take it. He still listens to my calls. I kept the damn thing on because I thought if that is what he needs then fine. let him see that I'm not doing anything wrong. But all this time passes and he is still putting me through his tests. When does it end!?

Last night another test. Tonight he asked me what I was doing (he and I were suppose to be going out but he always asks me this question like we don't have plans. I didn't know that was another part of the test until he explained to me I should be saying "going out with you.") But instead I told him "I'm going out" then I said "you would think a guy wants his ex girlfriend back he would behave differently" He said "you would think ex girlfriend really love her ex boyfriend like she say she would behave differently." I said "good bye. I'm going out" I can't take anymore. It breaks my heart in half. But maybe we got to love ourselves more and save ourselves this torture. If they loved us they wouldn't want to hurt us so much. These sexy middle eastern guys aren't for us they are for the women who know how to live this kind of life with them - middle eastern women. I don't think I will ever love anyone more. I really won't.

I'm crying as I write this but I just can't take this kind of chaos. Diane, there are already two guys interested in me. One seems normal. He's from America. And another is from Egypt. I don't know if this Egyptian is just as crazy as my Turkish guy but I am starting to talk to him and feel him out (he's not Muslim). You gave me advice to not be available to my Turkish guy but NOT to date. Well it has been 4 weeks since he broke up with me and I am not dead. I will not put my life on hold just because his culture has been so different then mine. I was taught you love something you treat it with love. I KNOW I treated him with love. I would say HE did not treat my love or ME with love. To bad he didn't see it that way and he probably never will. I hope I have the guts to follow through with my words - wish me luck!

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