kim

Submitted by melungeongirl (Turkey), Apr 27, 2007 at 04:58

Hello Kim,

well, the reason I suppose for his change is he got me in his country, knowing full well that if we were in America and he acted as he does now, I would have already left his butt. My reasoning for a change of heart is because he is different now, and I am observing some Turkish thoughts on world affairs, especially things about America.

I will explain in detail. There were a few things in the first couple of weeks I was here that I took note of, and they were always in the back of my mind. But the more time I am here, the more things come up.

First, little things like we would go out and he would not give me notice in order that I would not look as though I wanted. Saying 'lets go', I would say 'I am not dressed'. His reply, you look fine, my reply I dont have make up on and my hair is not done. His reply, who do you need to impress? I am the only one you need to impress and I think you look fine.

Then he would tell me of the beautiful day he had planned for us and say, if you want to go, dont put on make up or we will just stay home. Ok a small sign of control issues.Then it started about me not knowing the Turkish language. we went to buy groceries, it was very crowded I kept saying excuse me to people, but of course they didn't understand me. I said to him ,tell me again how you say excuse me in Turkish? his face suddenly changed and he walked off. Not speaking to me until we checked out, only to say what are you waiting for, go bag the groceries.

Now I will note that he said this in english, so no one understood him, but every single woman in that line understood his tone with me and they all immediatly put their heads down. We got home, I said why are you angry, he says I have already told you twice how to say excuse me in Turkish. you don't remember, this shows you are selfish you do not love me or care about me. He continued by saying, all the other women were bagging the groceries, you did not. I had to tell you to. From now on I will only speak Turkish and if you dont speak to me in Turkish, I will not answer. He only spoke Turkish for almost 3 days.

Then he started being nice again and said, I only acted this way because it is good for you, now you will learn. Then things started about me being christian. first he would ask me small questions, then after my answering, he would reply that's ridiculous. I let this go on for a while until I got tired. Once he was telling me about Ottoman times and how he was so proud that they always conquered other lands but they themselves had never been conquered. This he said is Jihad . we conquered in the name of Allah. He says, but we are a gentle people we never made anyone convert to Islam, only ask them if they didn't want to we did not force them.

Ok, I was annoyed by this time so my response, You contradict yourself . how exactly can you conquer a land, kill people, take their land as your own, supposedly for Allah, and then peacefully ask them if they accept Islam. Of course he was infuriated. I quoted the quran and made it much worse. he said how would you know anything, you are not muslim.

I said, have you read the Quran? he said no. I said well, I may not be muslim but I have read it. He says well, only Imams can truly understand it. Why exactly would God speak for only a very few to be able to understand it? It is strange to me that you know so much about the history of your people who claim much of this history is based on Allah, but yet you have no real idea of what the Quran says other then what history or someone else muslim has told you it says. Again he didn't speak to me for a couple of days.

He makes little comments and says he is joking ,but I know full well he means what he says. Like calling me a dirty Christian, or eshek which means donkey or jack ass.

Not too long ago 3 missionaries were murdered in Turkey for giving Bibles in Turkish. I watched on the news as they brought out the bodies. some Turkish guys chanted about Allah. He joined in with them and looked at me and said, this is not sad news, they had no business spreading their propaganda in Turkey. anyway we are 95% muslim.

My birthday past we went had a nice meal on the sea, it was a beautiful day. again he got mad at me for something or other he says I got you a pair of earings I will show them to you. But you can not have them because you dont deserve them. We both got sick, some kind of flu. he was worse then a child. rub me, make tea, do this, do that . and I will tell you, I had a fever and chills, but yet I still waited on him. Finally after the 2nd day I said listen I am sick also. His response it is your duty to take care of me. You are very selfish all you think about is yourself.

There are so many things. I can and will write a book about this whole experience.The reality is I understand now that his controlling behavior is so that he can prepare me to be a good, well behaved Turkish muslim wife. Maybe some women can easily do this, but I will not. I am fully christian and American and I came all the way to Turkey to realize this.

I have listened to him as well as his friends. one comment : we dont hate Americans only America and what it stands for. What, freedom?This totally makes no sense to me. Sympathy for Bin Laden or Hussein simply because they dare to go against America, the supposed dictators to the world.

Now maybe your man will say he doesn't feel this way or will not act like mine. But be sure mine was sweet as pie until I came here. He never showed me any of this behavior or thoughts on the US in a bad way ever. I have been very naive and things only happen to you that you allow to happen. My ticket home is dated for when my visa expires, which is soon, otherwise I would be gone already.

I know this is long and believe me it was longer, but I edited because I am still in Turkey.

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